Pain Management Session
The Shalampax Medical Clinic has decided to expand its mandate to include a public education component. Henceforth, the clinic will try to enlighten Shalampaxians on health-related issues. This element being added to the clinic’s mission because the medical staff there have come to believe that the happiest, healthiest and best patients are educated patients.
The doctors at the clinic have no idea why this could possibly be the case. In fact, they suspect that they are misunderstanding the concept, but one of the medical staff read it in a popular, mass-circulation magazine that even has its own Facebook page and Twitter account, so it must be true.
The first seminar in this new series, which is open to all Shalampaxians, will be held this Wednesday evening in the conference room at the Medical Clinic. The topic will be Effective Pain Management.
During this two-hour session, Dr. Crushedbirdbrain will discuss the most modern techniques for managing pain. He’ll review pharmaceutical options and describe how meditation and guided visualization can be used to reduce or even eliminate pain.
The lecture will be followed by a mandatory hands-on workshop. Staff from the Medical Clinic will repeatedly beat attendees with baseball bats and then assess how well the participants manage the resulting pain.
This just goes to show how important the medical staff believes this session to be. Nobody in Shalampax plays baseball. Heck, we don’t have enough room for a dugout, let alone a whole baseball field. Therefore, the clinic had to import the baseball bats just for this workshop.
This proves that the Shalampax Medical Clinic is determined to spare no expense in the cause of Shalampaxians’ health. Besides, it is receiving funding from the government, on the condition that Members of Parliament get to watch at no charge.
The lecture and associated workshop are free, but participants will have to pay for all medications they use. After the workshop, light refreshments will be served to all of the attendees who are not in the process of puking their guts out as a result of the beatings and pharmaceuticals.
