Miracle Diet Pack
It looks like Tuboflard has solved the financial problems that ensued when she lost her job as Chief Medical Officer after losing so much weight that she could no make the rest of us feel good about our obesity by comparing ourselves to her.
It turns out that her miracle weight loss resulted from more than just self-motivated diet and exercise. Tuboflard had her stomach stapled by the doctors at the Shalampax Medical Clinic. Now, she’s figured out a way to make some money off her experience.
Tuboflard is teaming up with Spams R Us, Shalampax’s biggest spam company, to sell a Miracle Diet Pack that will allow purchasers to experience the same miracle weight loss as Tuboflard.
The kit, which will sell for $279.95, or three easy installments of just $99.95, will include an off-the-shelf office stapler, a pack of 25 staples, and a band that can be used to restrict the size of the buyer’s stomach. There will also be an instruction booklet that says the following:
To be used only under the supervision of a qualified gastrointestinal surgeon. Not to be used if a doctor advises against its use. Always speak to your doctor before using this product.
Of course, the spam emails promoting the Miracle Diet Pack will not include those warnings. Buyers will learn about the warnings only after they pay the non-refundable fees and receive their kits.
Spams R Us is not expecting to receive any complaints as a result of this offer because, unlike most of Spams R Us’ other promotions, buyers will actually get something in return for their payments. To further reduce the likelihood of complaints, Spams R us will not provide the company’s address, email, or phone number. Orders will be placed through the Web, with no way for customers to contact Spams R Us other than to place an order.
Spams R Us will be hijacking thousands of innocent computers and spoofing legitimate email return addresses beginning Monday. The company expects to send out one billion spams promoting the new Miracle Diet Pack in the first week alone.
Wow, there is spam and there is spam. You rarely hear both types of spam being used in the same article. No wonder everyone is confused out there. And now I know why you want to take over Hawaii. You will be able to spam her.
@Gary Anderson: Our spam companies don’t care if people are confused as long as they send in their money or, better yet, their credit card information. And not having political control over a country or state has never stopped our spam companies from spamming people there. Not for a second.
Well, all I know is that Phishing is good in the land of spam.
I would like you to spam Tim Geithner. As head of state I am sure you have met the big eared elf a time or two as he wants you to fix your pathetic currency.
@Gary Anderson: If he’s got an email address, our spam companies have probably spammed him. They take pride in covering pretty well everyone in the world who has an email account.
I think you have to fill out the form on the contact page, rather than email them. But if you want to fill out the form please confirm to Treasury that the citizens of the United States are tired of the big eared elf: http://www.treas.gov/contacts.shtml