Shalampax Speaks

Redpencil, owner of the Third-Floor Pub, has devised a novel business model. Effective immediately, all of the beer served in the pub will free all day long. And you can drink as much as you like. Really.

Imagine that. All-you-can-drink free beer. Are we in heaven yet?

To partly compensate, there will now be a cover charge of $15 per person, per entry into the Third-Floor Pub. You must pay the cover charge before you will be served any beer. “Per entry” means that if you leave the pub, even briefly, you must pay the cover charge again when you reenter.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “This is going to bankrupt Redpencil. I can drink WAY more than $15 of beer during each visit to the pub.”

Maybe you can drink that much beer, but there are two more new fees that I should tell you about. Redpencil now charges $15 every time you use the bathroom. And he charges $25 every time you pee anywhere in the pub other than the bathroom.

Considering how difficult it is for any Shalampaxian to turn down free beer, I think Redpencil is going to make a killing with this scheme.