Government Decisiveness
Manexposinghimself, the Prime Minister of Shalampax, granted me an exclusive interview yesterday. Knowing that these are challenging times in the world, for most of our half-hour together he talked extensively and with great passion about the current batch of television reality shows. That part of our discussion does not bear repeating, but in an off-hand moment he did mention something interesting.
Prime Minister Manexposinghimself made a promise that I think he’s going to keep, which would be totally out of character for him. He promised that, in the future, his government will be much more decisive and will make its decisions much more quickly.
Manexposinghimself explained the rationale behind this new policy by saying, “In the past, we’ve spent a lot of time and money commissioning outsiders to extensively research and analyze data that helped us to make effective decisions. We would have hired Shalampaxians to do the job but, well, have you ever tried to get a Shalampaxian to do anything useful? You can’t find anyone outside of our spam and cult religion businesses who is willing to lift a finger, and those companies are running at full tilt.
“In the future, we’ll make government decisions much more quickly, without waiting for the reports. After we’ve gained more experience at making uniformed decisions, we will be able to stop commissioning the research because what’s the use of data and information when your mind is already made up? This will save Shalampax a fortune.”
You’ve got to hand it to Manexposinghimself. He’s got Shalampax’s interests at heart. I wonder what he’s up to.
How refreshing. By his very name, Manexposinghimself, I can tell Shalampax enjoys an open and transparent government. Alas here in Canada we have Prime Minister Gotcha who springs changes upon the electorate without warning, consultation, parliamentary debate or legislation. Do you know of a Shalampaxian who might be willing to adopt me?
I wouldn’t say that our government is open and transparent so much as they are too lazy to hide anything, and most of us our too lazy to care what they do. This Canada place sounds like it’s in bad shape. Can’t you get rid of that Prime Minister of yours. I thought Canada was a democracy. Or am I mistaken about that?
Ha! Democracy? From a guy who says, “I make the rules”? Sure and Elvis lives. (Did you realize Elvis lives is an anagram…cool.)
@nonamedufus: Of course he makes the rules. Who do you want to make the rules? The people? Don’t be ridiculous. The people are too busy with Facebook and Twitter telling people about the trivia in their lives to be bothered with something as frivolous as democracy.
Our leaders have already beaten Shalampax to the punch on this one! Neither: Obama, or Bush has cared one iota about what their constituents want – over the last ten years. True, they do make some bold and assertive statements – while running for office – but they are quickly forgotten within minutes of the inevitable victory celebrations and they can get on to bigger and better things….
Currently, we are moving toward a full-blown Social-Fascist Utopia – so that the average American will no longer have to think for themselves at all! The idea is that we can all choose from a predetermined list of socially acceptable and currently legal activities; and in so doing, make our lives far easier to manage. I’ll let you know, how it goes….
Say hello to the prime-minister for me… I once met him in Central Park when he was upon walkabout. Really nice chap, too! Tell him, that the secret to politically getting away with it, is to just label the naysayers: “Conspiracy Theorists,” “Racists,” “Neo-NAZIs,” and “Domestic Terrorists.” Honestly works every time…. Not sure why, but it does. Seems like the voters might figure it out sooner or later, but then again they really aren’t very deep thinkers.
Oh, how’s the weather been lately? I heard it was rather peaceful the other day, with less than 60 mph winds along the shore. I wish I could have seen it, it sure sounded pleasant for a change.
@The Real American: You said: “Neither: Obama, or Bush has cared one iota about what their constituents want”
Of course not! Don’t be silly. What’s the point of going through the bother of politics if you have to pay attention and cater to what constituents want? It wouldn’t be worth the effort.
You also said, “so that the average American will no longer have to think for themselves at all!”
You say that if it’s a negative thing. Thinking is way overrated. It consumes a lot of energy and it can give you a headache. It’s much better if you can get someone else–like a politician–to do that for you. It sounds like you are living in the best of all possible worlds.
I think you’re mistaken about seeing our Prime Minister in Central Park. I don’t think he’s ever been outside Shalampax. There’s a small matter of a few dozen international arrest warrants that have been sworn out against him.
The weather is terrible, which is to say that it’s a good day by our standards.
Well of course, I did! How do you think he got the American Arrest Warrant? Most New Yorkers don’t like a Manexposinghimself in their parks…. lol
@The Real American: We’re named after something our parents saw shortly after we were born, not something we (necessarily) do ourselves. To the best of my knowledge, he doesn’t expose himself in parks. Although, that might be just because we don’t have any parks here.
I think the arrest warrants were issued in countries that, for some reason that I can’t figure out, have a problem with mail fraud. Go figure.
Actually, it’s considered shameful for a Shalampaxian to not have a few international arrest warrants outstanding against him or her.
Oh, I guess it was another Manexposinghimself that I bumped into that day…. Well, I suppose it can happen?
I hope you’re not going to run into legal problems. I’ve been told that in some jurisdictions you can be convicted on obscenity charges if you bump into a man who has exposed himself in a public place.