Two days ago, the Parliament of Shalampax began an unscheduled recess that is expected to last approximately two weeks. This is only an estimate, but the custodian of Parliament feels that it will require at least that long to adequately air out the Chamber of Parliament.
The airing became necessary when the restaurant in Parliament, which is available exclusively to our parliamentarians, made a tactical error two days ago. Without considering the consequences, it featured a lunch special that included an all-you-can eat baked bean and coleslaw buffet.
Read more…
It is with sincere sadness and deep regret that Spams R Us, Shalampax’s most profitable spam company, announces the passing of Mrs. Seise-Seiko. Mrs. Seise-Seiko was the widow of the African super-businessman, ultra-despot, and über-misanthrope, Fukutoo Seise-Seiko. Mr. Seise-Seiko was a multi-millionaire many times over.
Mrs. Seise-Seiko is survived by her nine children. At the time of her death, she was living in Nigeria.
Read more…
The teachers of the Shalampax School have asked me to let parents know that the start of the school term will be delayed by at least two weeks this year.
After careful study and analysis, the teachers and their psychiatrists have determined that the teachers couldn’t possibly be mentally ready to face those little brats again when the school term normally starts. The teachers’ mental states will be reexamined in two weeks. At that time, an announcement of a further delay to the start of the school year will be made if necessary.
Read more…
Hey, peeps. The word in the halls is that Severedfinger is desperately seeking a new apartment. Apparently, the dust in his current place is now piled so high that he is having trouble squeezing through the constricted space between the top of the dust layers and the ceiling.
He’s also having a particular problem when he returns from the pub after finishing his mostly liquid meal. Climbing up the dust hill behind his door is rather difficult when he’s in the state he is usually in after his thrice-daily sessions at the pub.
Read more…
We don’t have many laws dictating people’s behaviors here in Shalampax, but the Government of Shalampax decided it was time to pass one to deal with some incidents that have occurred recently. If truth be told, these sorts of incidents have been going on for as long as anyone can remember, but our Parliament rarely acts quickly.
With the passage today of the Public Decency and Compensations Act, it is no longer legal to have sex in a public place in Shalampax unless you pay a fee of $675 in advance or $875 after the fact. Members of Parliament expect that people will pay in advance except for spontaneous sex.
Read more…
Redpencil, owner of the Third-Floor Pub, has devised a novel business model. Effective immediately, all of the beer served in the pub will free all day long. And you can drink as much as you like. Really.
Imagine that. All-you-can-drink free beer. Are we in heaven yet?
To partly compensate, there will now be a cover charge of $15 per person, per entry into the Third-Floor Pub. You must pay the cover charge before you will be served any beer. “Per entry” means that if you leave the pub, even briefly, you must pay the cover charge again when you reenter.
Read more…
