The Shalampax School Board has unanimously passed a motion put forward by Religco to teach Created Evolution, the Church of Infinitiaty’s doctrine concerning the origin of species, in science classes in all grades of the Shalampax School.
Starting in the next school year, the curriculum will include the truth of Created Evolution alongside the theories of creationism, intelligent design and uncreated evolution.
The new syllabus gives equal weight to Created Evolution and the other hypotheses. However, in practice, teachers will no doubt give greater weight to the truth of Created Evolution.
To ensure that there was no conflict of interest, all of the school board members signed affidavits swearing that the share in Religco that each board member received did not influence their vote on this motion.
I, for one, fully agree with and wholeheartedly support the decision of the school board. And, like the school board members, I can assure you that the shares I hold in Religco have in no way diminished my journalist integrity. I was already a journalistic slut long before this.
Shalampax School students can finally get their math grades. The marks were not available when report cards were issued a month ago because the Shalampax School head math teacher, Decapitatedbird, was having trouble adding up the scores from the tests she issued during the term and calculating final grades from them.
Eventually, she had to resort to the Internet to contract someone from outside Shalampax to help her with calculating the grades. The marks would have been available sooner, but the contractor wisely refused to turn over the scores until Decapitatedbird paid the agreed price.
Surprisingly for a Shalampaxian, Decapitatedbird had no intention of cheating the contractor, but she initially balked at making a payment because she didn’t know how to calculate the five percent sales tax and she thought that she was being cheated. It was only after she hired someone else to compute the tax for her that she learned that the first contractor had, indeed, billed her the correct amount. She then paid the fee.
Despite the students’ math scores now having been authorized and distributed by the school, there is some fear that there might be still a problem with them. Decapitatedbird calculated that the average math score for all students was 137 out of 100. This seems a tad high considering that most students at the Shalampax School have trouble counting, let alone solving math or even arithmetic problems. Then again, it’s doubtful that Decapitatedbird was capable of computing the average correctly.