Shalampax School students can finally get their math grades. The marks were not available when report cards were issued a month ago because the Shalampax School head math teacher, Decapitatedbird, was having trouble adding up the scores from the tests she issued during the term and calculating final grades from them.
Eventually, she had to resort to the Internet to contract someone from outside Shalampax to help her with calculating the grades. The marks would have been available sooner, but the contractor wisely refused to turn over the scores until Decapitatedbird paid the agreed price.
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Today is Nashonall Teetchars Dae, the day set aside for everyone in the tiny nation of Shalampax to commemorate the fine work done by the dedicated teachers employed by our school. Every year on this day we show all due appreciation of the superb job that our teachers have done in educating our students.
In answer to your questions:
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The Shalampax school board has decided to splurge on new geography textbooks. It was felt that the current texts were getting a little, to say the least, long in the tooth. Some of the information in them is somewhat outdated and considered to be no longer valid in light of newer discoveries.
The ultimate impetus to invest in new geography texts came when someone suggested to the school board that it is now apparently almost the unanimous consensus among earth scientists that the earth is, indeed, not flat. Assuming that the experts are right about this, our geography teachers, and the textbooks they are using, have been teaching our students the wrong information all of this time.
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Yesterday, I told you that the Shalampax school board had declared that the third week of every November would be recognized as Bully Awareness Week. Well, things aren’t going quite as they planned.
A group of teenage bullies rounded up the school board members and insisted that the cake, cookies, milk and fruit juice that the school board plans to give bullies during Bully Awareness Week is not enough. The bullies demanded that they should also be given beer and cigarettes during that week.
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The Shalampax school board is quite upset that, because it’s not an agency of Parliament, it was not allowed to join in the shutdown of Parliament to commemorate National Democracy Month and its extension. However, despite the state of displeasure of its members, the school board has been neither idle nor ineffective.
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The Shalampax school board has decided to include a course on Shalampax history in the eighth-grade curriculum. The course will be taught every year on the first Tuesday of October from 10:00 a.m. to 10:23 a.m.
To liven up the class and ensure that students do not become to bored, the students will be given a 10-minute recess in the middle of the class. During the course, alcoholic beverages will be served to any eighth-grade students who are 19 years of age or older.
