Shalampax Speaks

The world premier of Sausagewithonions’ latest film, A Day in the Life of a Housefly, will take place at 8:30 tonight in the second-floor cafeteria. There will be no charge to attend the premier.

I was honored with an advance screening so I could write the following review.

This epic film opens with a housefly pupae, which Sausagewithonions placed under an upturned glass jar, transforming into an adult housefly.

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Let’s celebrate! Shalampax has passed a momentous milestone.

With all of the satellite and cable television signals we’ve been able to pirate from around the world and funnel here, mostly over hijacked fiber optic cables, Shalampaxians can now choose from more than 2,000 television channels.

Thanks to the ingenuity of our technicians, all of these channels are available to Shalampaxians at no charge. This includes the hundreds of pay-per-view channels that we’ve hacked.

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