Global warming wasn’t the only thing our parliamentarians learned about when they unexpectedly read the news recently. They also discovered that many nations of the world have imposed a moratorium on commercial whaling.
Some aboriginal people are exempt from the ban as whaling and the consumption of whale products is an integral part of their way of life. And, at least one country continues whaling for “scientific” purposes, “scientific” apparently being a euphemism for consuming as a food product.
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Shalampax’s Parliament must be even more boring than usual these days because a couple of Members of Parliament have taken to reading the news, an activity that is unheard of for our legislators. They discovered that, much to their dismay, a couple of scientists have come with the bizarre hypothesis that the Earth is warming and humans might be at least partly to blame, if you can believe that.
The theory goes that the human cause of global warming is the release of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. Our parliamentarians couldn’t figure out how the gases were escaping from greenhouses, or what they were doing there in the greenhouses in the first place, but it sounded serious.
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The Parliament of Shalampax has put in an order for the purchase of five ultra-powerful supercomputers. The sole purpose of these systems will be to output numbers that are generated as randomly as possible.
These random numbers will have 27 decimal places and range between zero and one. The numbers will be used to pick answers to yes-or-no questions. A number below 0.5 will represent a “no” answer. A result above 0.5 will equate to a “no” answer.
With 27 decimal places, the probability that a randomly generated number will exactly equal 0.5 is exceptionally small, but not impossible. If that happens, the number will be thrown out and a new random number—and, therefore, a new yes or no answer—will be generated.
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The Parliament of Shalampax has passed a law banning the wearing of any red clothes on Thursdays. This includes garments that have even a spot of red on them.
Should people cut themselves or bleed for any other reason on a Thursday they are required to immediately strip off any clothes that blood has spilled on. They may not put the clothes on again until Friday or until the blood dries to a brown, rather than red, color.
On Thursdays, government inspectors will perform random searches to ensure that Shalampaxians are not wearing red underwear. While the inspected citizens are standing in their underwear, inspectors might, at their discretion, also frisk the citizens just for the fun of it.
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Yesterday, Shalampax’s Parliament passed a “ways and means” motion authorizing an expenditure for new furniture in the offices of Members of Parliament. The couches that are currently in their offices will be replaced with automated fold-out beds.
Once the new couches are in place, when Parliament is not in session and Members of Parliament are “working” in their offices, they’ll be able to push a button and the couch will automatically fold out into a bed. Members will then be able to take much more comfortable naps—or whatever—in their offices than is currently possible.
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Is the Shalampax parliament productive or what? Our Members of Parliament have been back for only a week after the more than two-months-long prorogation of Parliament and they have already passed a new law.
Effective immediately, it is illegal to keep a live woolly mammoth in your apartment in Shalampax. An exception is granted if, when treating an emotional disorder, a psychiatrist or psychologist prescribes the keeping of a live woolly mammoth for companionship.
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