I have some absolutely fabulous news, peeps! Lightningstrikingtree has committed suicide.
In a suicide note, Lightningstrikingtree admitted that he had fathered Tuboflard’s triplets and the shame of having boinked her was too much for him to bear. Lightningstrinkingtree’s note cast no light on how he was able to impregnate Tuboflard without, according to her, her knowing about it. However, he did say in his note that, and I quote, “it was good for me.”
Why is this fabulous news? There are a number of reasons, including the following: Read more…
Shalampax’s island is far too small to accommodate even the most rudimentary of airplane landing strips. What’s more, our near-incessant ferocious winds make it too treacherous to hover a helicopter above us in order to winch goods and people up and down, let alone land a chopper here. Thus, it has long been the desire of Shalampaxian inventors to develop a personal flying apparatus that would overcome these problems.
To be commercially successful in Shalampax, such a contraption would have to possess a number of challenging characteristics. Read more…
It is with deep disinterest that we note the passing of Brushontable, an inveterate idler and incompetent raconteur. Brushontable will long be remembered for his deep love of lint and his incessant muttering of gibberish.
In lieu of a memorial service, Brushontable’s alleged friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, will be downing a few pints at the pub. Brushontable’s family will not be there, as they refuse to acknowledge their relationship to the deceased.
With Brushontable’s passing, his windowless apartment is now available for rent.
Read more…
