Peeps, you may remember from last time that I was more than a little intrigued that Roof, Birdinhand’s father, not only volunteered to pay for the scientific evaluation of Marie’s and MadMadmargo’s DNA to determine if Marie is MadMadMargo’s mother, but he also told me to spare no expense in hiring the best experts I could find to do the job.
You may also remember that alarm bells went off in my mind when Roof insisted that his DNA be tested to determine if he is MadMadMargo’s father, despite not being named by Marie as one of the Shalampaxian men she remembers having sex with. He claims that, while Marie might not remember it, he very clearly and joyfully recalls sleeping—and more than sleeping, if you get my drift—with Marie when she was here.
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Peeps, are you as excited as I am?
I’m sorry. Of course, you can’t answer that until you know how excited I am. Well, let me tell you. I’m a guy and about as manly a man as you’ll find in Shalampax, which, admittedly, is not saying much, but my nipples are erect. That’s how electrified I am!
I almost forgot, I haven’t told you yet why I’m so keyed up, have I?
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Peeps, this is it. The results are in. The Geneva-based genomics expert emailed me his report on the analysis of Marie’s, MadMadMargo’s and Openfly’s DNA. We now have some definitive news about MadMadMargo’s parentage. I don’t know if she’ll be happy with the results or not, but that’s something she’ll have to decide.
If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, I suggest you get caught up by reading the chronological collection of my columns on this breaking news by looking at the Openfly Serial – Part 2 category.
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Hi peeps. If you read the comments on my previous column you’ll know that, upon learning for certain that Marie is her biological mother and a Shalampaxian is her biological father, MadMadMargo had some questions for Marie.
Specifically, MadMadMargo asked, “Will Marie want to meet me? Will Marie like me?” She went on to suggest that Marie might want to join her in visiting Shalampax. This assumes, of course, that the Shalampax parliament approves her visit and waives the usual cannibalizing treatment of visitors. (There is still no word from Parliament on that, but I expect a decision within days.)
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Peeps, the debate in Parliament over whether to give visitors’ visas to Marie and MadMadMargo was the most vociferous that anyone in Shalampax can remember. That’s not saying much because it’s typically difficult to differentiate between debating and snoozing in the Shalampax Parliament. Nonetheless, there was considerable fervor this time.
The debate about MadMadMargo split almost perfectly on gender lines. The men took one look at MadMadMargo’s picture and insisted that a visa must be granted; the sooner the better. They are all convinced that they will be able to woo her when she arrives. Saliva was seen to be involuntarily drooling out of the sides of the mouths of some male Members of Parliament while they debated.
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Hi, peeps. I’m still waiting for the DNA reports to see if any of the guys who submitted samples are MadMadMargo’s father. So I have no more news to report on that front yet. I know the suspense is probably eating away at you, particularly MadMadMargo, but we’ll just have to be patient.
Meanwhile, back in California, Openfly and Marie are getting along famously. They seem to have become best friends forever.
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