Shalampax Speaks

For some people, televangelists are the pinnacle of spirituality. These believers are glued to their sets whenever any of their favorite preacher superstars are on TV. And they dream of the day when they will be able to attend in person one of their hero’s shows—a day that is made ever distant by shoveling all of their cash to their beloved televangelists.

But, I ask you, how spiritual can these televangelists be when they spend most of their time shilling for dollars to pay for their enormous, luxurious cathedrals, their haute couture clothes, and their opulent executive jets and limousines?

As my Christian pen pals say, “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” I’m not so sure I’d want to put a lot of money down on the camel, but I see what they are, in their inane way, trying to say.

So, are these multi-millionaire televangelists the epitome of spirituality? I think not. Then again, if any of them want to marry me and keep me in the style that I know I richly—and I do mean richly—deserve, I’d definitely jump at the proposal. What the hell do I care about spirituality when there’s materiality to by had?

Sprituality televangelists

With any luck, I’ll get my cute little ass fired off this blog-writing gig because my creative juices aren’t flowing. My lack of a clue as to what to write here bothered me, but then I thought, I’m the spiritual writer here. The answer is obvious. Pray to Paahlm for divine inspiration.

So I prayed to Paahlm asking It to deliver unto me a blog post; a good one, please. I prayed like nobody’s business, which is a rather stupid thing to say because it is nobody’s business but my own. The point is, I prayed like crazy. And crazy is what I’ve always thought of praying, but never mind. Despite all of that fervent praying, Paahlm didn’t come through.

Then I thought, maybe I’ve been wrong all these years. Maybe Paahlm isn’t the one true God. So I tried praying to Yahweh, the Hebrew God. I prayed with all of the sincerity I could possible fake, but still nothing came to me.

Alright, I thought, if Yahweh won’t answer me, maybe His Son will. But, Jesus Christ either was incapable of coming up with a decent blog post or He decided He didn’t want to be on speaking terms with me. Whatever the case, He delivered nada to me. If He can’t help me out with a small request like this, then what the hell good is He? I hope His Father scolds Him for His impertinence, but considering that His Father ignored me too, probably not.

Then I tried Allah. I’m pretty sure that Allah and Yahweh are the same God. I mean, have you ever seen them in the same heaven together? I know I haven’t. But whether they’re the same God or not, He was still not answering.

For good measure I also tried Buddha, Vishnu, Krishna, Rama, Zeus, Odin, Ra, and a few dozen other gods. All of them refused to answer. One put me on hold and played elevator music in my head before disconnecting my prayer 20 minutes later, but I refuse to say which One did that because I don’t want to embarrass Her.

So, I’m afraid, this is all I’ve got. And I’m left without a prayer.

Sprituality blogging, creative, God, gods, inspiration

Many people slog through their lives riddled with angst while seeking answers to life’s great questions. Some people find solace in religion.

Here in Shalampax, Paahlmism is the dominant and official religion. It is our religion that frees us from thinking about life’s unanswered, seemingly unanswerable, momentous questions. In fact, it frees us from thinking. Period. This explains a lot about Shalampax.

For us, Paahlm is the answer. Now, if we only had the slightest of clues as to what question It answers, then we’d really have something.

Sprituality religion, thinking, thought

I’ve got nothing. I was scheduled to write one of my spirituality columns for today’s issue of Shalampax Speaks, but, as is the custom for most Shalampaxians, I procrastinated.

By the time I realized how close the deadline was it was too late to drink enough spirits to put me in the frame of mind necessary to churn out a full column’s worth of spirituality-related crap.

Sorry about that. I’ll try to spew some relevant twaddle the next time I’m not able to talk myself out of a writing assignment here.

Sprituality

Something recently popped into my head. I think that a great many people believe that they believe in a deity, but that belief is not truly inherent in the core of their existence. It is not an inextricable filament within the fibers of their being.

If I’m right, these people “believe” in their deity, in my case Paahlm, because that is what they were brought up to believe and that is the faith that others in their milieu exhibit. However, unbeknownst to them, their faith is not truly at one with their psyche. In other words, it manifests itself seemingly as a part of them, but it is not an internalized, immutable constituent of their being.

I am not saying that these people are faking it. I believe that they truly believe that they belief. It is self-deception as much as and possibly more than it is deception of anyone else.

Then I got to thinking, maybe sincerely believing that you believe is enough. If there is no intent of deception, maybe that is adequate for your deity to consider you pious and bless you. Or maybe not. Will He, She or It, instead, damn you for your deception even though it is unintentional and you are not even aware of it?

This raised further thoughts in my mind. Maybe what I believed about other people only believing they believed was not true at all. Maybe I was merely projecting my own reality. Maybe it is me who only believes that I believe. And, if so, am I to be eternally damned for it?

These thoughts plagued me for many minutes, but then I realized that I had had way too much to drink and I should have deferred writing this post until I sobered up. Sorry about that. Never mind.

Sprituality belief, believe, believing, faith

I was not originally scheduled to write today’s post in Shalampax Speaks. However, I asked to take over this space to issue a correction for something I said in the article I published yesterday explaining Christmas and it’s customs to people who were not familiar with the holiday.

Yesterday, I wrote, “Christmas celebrants are expected to take and execute a vow of poverty by maxing out their credit cards to buy lavish gifts for family and friends.” Apparently, that statement is false.

I have been informed that, strictly speaking, it is not mandatory to max out your credit card to properly celebrate Christmas. Instead, if you have amassed sufficient equity in your home that you can borrow against, you are permitted to do that instead.

Then again, considering the hit that the housing market took in many parts of the world, this may not be an option for many people.

I apologize for the error in yesterday’s column and I regret any confusion it might have caused.

Sprituality Christmas, spending