The Church of Paahlm will be holding a bake sale this coming Thursday to raise funds for the Exalted Coconut’s personal slush fund. The sale will be held in the hallway in front of The Third Floor Pub.
It has been more than four months since the church held its last bake sale. The Exalted Coconut felt that it was time for another one because all of the buyers in the last sale have now recuperated from the consequences of consuming the baked goods they purchased.
Read more…
I am sublimely blissful in a totally spiritual sort of way.
Why? A number of people thought that Religco was being overly optimistic in its forecasts for the success of the re-launch of the Infinitiaty faith. However, it turns out that Religco grossly underestimated its profits from the religion.
It’s been less than two days since Religco announced the re-launch of the Church of Infinitiaty, the faith with an infinity of Gods, but the company’s revenue from the religion is already well ahead of where it was expected to be three months from now. Some religion-business analysts are saying Infinitiaty is going to be the biggest thing to hit the religion business since Jesus. (Although they try to avoid saying that in front of Christians because Christians are very protective of the Jesus brand.)
Read more…
Many venerable religions have customs and practices that, to outsiders, seem to be outdated, inane, barbaric or, sometimes, all three simultaneously. Paahlmism, the native religion of Shalampax, is no exception.
Consider, for example, our stricture against mixing corn and beans in a single meal. This law is as old as the Paahlmist faith itself. Nobody remembers why this commandment was instituted in the religion, but it remains a strict law of the faith nonetheless.
Many people find this rule against mixing beans and corn to be absurd, but what has some folks particularly up in arms is what, in their eyes, is the exceptionally archaic and barbaric nature of the punishment for committing this sin. The punishment is stoning.
Read more…
Considering how many religions there are in the world, and particularly right here in Shalampax, there must be at least one faith for which today is hallowed. Heck, for all I know, there could be dozens of religious holidays today.
Consequently, I’m celebrating a religious holiday today and, therefore, won’t be writing a blog post. I don’t know which religion(s) have holidays today, but it would be disrespectful of me, the religion and spirituality writer here at Shalampax Speaks, to not honor the holiday(s) of those faith(s). Furthermore, it would be an infringement of my religious freedoms if my boss refused to give me the day off.
So, sorry, I will not be posting a column in this spot today.
Read more…
Covering the religion beat for a major publication such as Shalampax Speaks is bound to eventually have a significant impact on you. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I’m almost starting to believe this crap.
Today, I’m feeling particularly spiritually fulfilled. Maybe all of my writing about religion has filled me with the spirit of one god or another. Or maybe it’s because we have so many religions to choose from here in Shalampax thanks to our many successful cult religion companies. Or maybe it’s the 12 gin and tonics I just polished me off that filled me with spirits. Whatever, I’m feeling particularly blessed today.
Why shouldn’t I? I recently bought 100 shares of Religco, Shalampax’s leading cult religion company. In just the past two weeks alone, it’s doubled in value. Rumor has it that they are planning a launch sometime in the next few weeks that is expected to really shake up the religion business.
Read more…
It’s not easy being spiritual. Nobody knows that better than the business development and marketing folks at Religco, Shalampax’s leading cult religion vendor. They had a brilliant notion for a new, as of yet unnamed religion.
The idea was that it would be a cult religion based on materialism. The business development and marketing people put a lot of work into advancing the concept. They wrote the cult’s religion’s scriptures, defined its picayune laws, and drafted its ecclesiastic hierarchy.
Read more…
