Shalampax Speaks

I don’t know if you’ve been reading Stoneupnose’s reports on Openfly’s recent adventures wherein Openfly, by an amazing coincident, stumbled on Marie, the woman who, more than anyone else, is responsible for Shalampax being the great nation it is today. But if you haven’t been reading his columns, you should. They’ve been spellbinding. Or maybe they just put me to sleep. I often find it difficult to tell the difference between spellbinding and sleep-inducing.

If Marie’s importance eludes you then you obviously haven’t done any reading on Shalampax’s history. And if not, why not? How the hell do you think you’ll ever be able to figure us out if you’re not willing to spend a few minutes reading about us at Shalampax’s national Web site?

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Just when I thought that mergers and acquisitions couldn’t get any more audacious, I’m proven wrong. Spiderinhair, CEO of The Helnoist Church, today announced that his church has made an unsolicited offer to buy the Catholic Church.

Spiderinhair says that he has been in touch with the Pope and other high officials at the Vatican and they are seriously considering the offer. Word is that the Vatican has agreed to enter into exclusive negotiations with The Henoist Church. The Vatican has also agreed to pay the Helnoist Church a large break fee if the Vatican accepts a competing offer.

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