A major survey was recently commissioned to study the level of apathy in Shalampax. According to the couple of people I could be bothered to ask, no one knows or, more accurately, no one cares who commissioned the survey.
The problem with most surveys is that, because only a small random sampling of the population is interviewed, the studies are normally accurate only to a few percent above or below the reported results. However, depending on the sample size, this is typically true only 19 times out of 20. The results may be wildly inaccurate for the other one time out of 20.
The designers of the apathy survey have eliminated this problem. Because the population of Shalampax is only 4,242, it was decided that it would be feasible to interview the entire population, rather than just a random sample. This would totally eliminate the sampling error.
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I’ve harassed my usual sources, but the people in a position to know aren’t willing to confirm or deny the dollop of gossip I’m about to dish out. In fact, they all said they didn’t care to talk to me. So, judge the veracity of what I’m about to say accordingly.
The scuttlebutt is that, after being vacant for as long as anyone can remember, someone finally stepped forward to fill the position of the president of the Apathy Alliance, a club for people who couldn’t care less. The rumor mill has not coughed up a name, but the candidate was apparently immediately fired for giving enough of a damn to step forward.
Last Thursday, the Apathy Alliance, a social club for all Shalampaxians who are not interested in anything whatsoever, attempted for the 1,032th time to hold its first meeting. Once again, nobody showed up. That was understandable and fortunate because no one bothered to book a meeting room.
The Apathy Alliance will try again next Thursday at 8:00 p.m. This time, an administrator, who is not allowed to join the club because she gives a damn, booked a room. The meeting will be held in Meeting Hall C. All those not interested please attend.
