The government recently revealed that, as a result of a major ordering screw-up by our primary food importer, Shalampax faces a severe meat shortage. The government had not intended to release this information because it was afraid that panic buying of the remaining supplies would lead to hoarding and severe inflation.
Information about the shortage was revealed only after the Prime Minister’s chief spokesperson accidentally misread the words “top secret.” Instead, he thought it said “for immediate release.” Literacy is in short supply in the Shalampax civil service.
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As regular readers know well, we Shalampaxians are a tad xenophobic. While the feeling among Shalampaxians is generally, “loaf and let live,” we have a nasty habit of eating any outsiders who somehow manage to land on our island.
We are not the only people who have ever practiced cannibalism. However, I’ve done some research and found that, due to the exceptionally small size of our island, there are more people per square foot here who have at one time or another practiced cannibalism than there have been anywhere else on earth at any time in the history of the planet.
This factoid astounded me. Proud of our island nation’s uniqueness, I applied to have our cannibalistic achievement listed in the Guinness World Records.
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This message is directed at Shalampaxians. All others should immediately surf to another Web site. That means, now!
A team of anthropologists from the University of Lower Pontypool have asked for permission to visit Shalampax. They feel that, from what little they know about it, our culture is somewhat bizarre. Of course, that’s nonsense. It’s staggeringly bizarre.
We followed the standard Shalampax policy concerning responses to such requests from the outside world. First, we pretended that no one was home.
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