Cherrytart, the closest thing Shalampax has had to a celebrity since our celeb-wannabe, Openfly, flew the coop, attempted to launch her singing career at a concert last night.
The room, the largest in Shalampax, was packed with more than 300 people. The record attendance can be attributed to the fact that the concert promoters promised—and delivered—plentiful posh food and drink, along with a payment of $500 each to everyone who attended.
The critics were uncharacteristically unanimous. As if with a single voice, they all exuberantly proclaimed that Cherrytart should, in the interest of public safety, never sing again.
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Hey peeps, you’ll never guess who is garnering attention again or, I should say, trying to garner attention again. That’s right, it’s our own little celebrity-in-her-own-mind, Openfly.
Get this. Openfly is determined to be interviewed on air by Oprah. Yes, you read that right. Openfly wants to be interviewed by that non-Shalampaxian, richer-than-rich, mega-super-star, Oprah.
What could have ever led Openfly to believe she might get an Oprah interview is totally beyond me.
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Peeps, you will not believe this! Openfly, the closest anyone in Shalampax comes to being a celebrity, was caught yesterday picking her nose.
That’s right, picking her nose! She was seen with the forefinger of her right hand tunneling deep inside her right nostril. She wiggled her digit around for a full minute or two, trying to dig something out. My source tells me that she eventually pulled out the biggest booger my source has ever seen.
When confronted with allegations of the incident, Openfly reluctantly admitted that it had occurred. “I’m so embarrassed,” she whimpered, tears streaming from her eyes. “Believe me, I have never sunk so low before and it is not something that I will ever repeat.”
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