The Parliament of Shalampax is currently undertaking a thorough review of our nation’s environmental policies. Nothing is finalized yet, but a bold new strategy is being proposed.
The plan is to import significant quantities of the most dirty-burning fuel available, buy several internal combustion engines, and then run those engines non-stop, around the clock. The engines won’t actually drive anything.
Shalampax will then shut off or reduce the operating hours of one or more of the engines in return for other nations buying carbon credits from us.
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There is considerable concern around the world about greenhouse gases and their effect on our planet’s climate. Here in Shalampax, all of our power comes from electricity that we harvest from the frequent lightning strikes that hit our building. This produces no greenhouse gases.
In addition, our island is exceptionally small, we have only one building, and we do not have any roads or vehicles. Thus, transportation produces few greenhouse gases here (just the carbon dioxide we exhale when we breath).
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Birdinhand was supposed to write this blog post, but he has gone into a deep depression over the fact that his Twitter domination scheme has, so far, not progressed very far. I think a grand total of only about four or five people started following him (Birdinhand2) on Twitter yesterday. (He asked me to thank those four or five people—you know who you are—profusely. Consider yourselves thanked.) That still leaves 3.8 million or so to go to reach his goal.
Ah, poor Birdinhand. Boohoo. Poor baby. Get over it. Wimp!
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I usually talk about existing Shalampaxian companies in this space, but today I’m going to tell you about an innovative business idea that a columnist right here at Shalampax Speaks, Stoneupnose, is working on. His plan is to capture his own natural gas and sell it on the open market.
Stoneupnose’s farting capabilities are second to none. What’s more, his farts have been tested and found to have extraordinarily high concentrations of methane, which makes them all the more valuable as a fuel.
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