Shalampax Speaks

I love and worship Paahlm. Don’t you?

How could you not love Paahlm? After all, It created our majestic palm trees in Its image. It then commanded the palm trees to bear forth coconuts.

Paahlm, Glory be It, then sacrificed two of his precious coconuts to create the first humans. Since then, we have depended on Its munificent provision of coconuts to serve political, social, business and dietary purposes.

Most miraculous of all, Paahlm usually holds all of Its coconuts on our palm trees throughout numerous extreme gales until It clears the weather sufficiently for us to venture outside, hold our elections, and then collect the coconuts.

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The Shalampax coconut industry, consisting of one company, was devastated yesterday. A gale that blew through here carried off all of our coconuts, which were almost ripe. (A meteorological note: Although off the scale in terms of wind strength, the gale affected a circular area with a radius of only about 75 miles. The circle was perfectly centered on Shalampax. The surprising part is, that’s not a very rare occurrence.)

In the past, coconuts have typically contributed somewhat below one percent of Shalampax’s GDP. This year it will be zero.

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