It’s not easy being spiritual. Nobody knows that better than the business development and marketing folks at Religco, Shalampax’s leading cult religion vendor. They had a brilliant notion for a new, as of yet unnamed religion.
The idea was that it would be a cult religion based on materialism. The business development and marketing people put a lot of work into advancing the concept. They wrote the cult’s religion’s scriptures, defined its picayune laws, and drafted its ecclesiastic hierarchy.
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I don’t think the marketing folks over at Religco ever sleep. It was only a short while ago that they launched the Infinitiaty cult religion. Now, they are busy increasing the revenue potential of Infinitiaty.
Religco or, more precisely, its Infinitiaty subsidiary recently opened the Infinitiaty Church Store. Infinitiaty’s religious leaders encourage believers to show their infinite piety by shopping in this heavenly online store.
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Almost two weeks ago, Gravyonshirtfront told you about Religco’s launch of the Infinitiaty cult religion. Today, I’m going to tell you about the business side of that venture. And what a business it is!
As you already know if you read Gravyonshirtfront’s account or if you read the Infintiaty page in the Shalampax cult religion catalog, Infinitiaty has an infinity of Gods. At least one implication of that should be obvious. All of the Gods expect donations to be made to the church in their names. Even if church members give only one cent per God, infinity times one cent equals an infinite number of cents, which, paradoxically also equals an infinite number of dollars. Clearly, no one can give that much, but all parishioners are expected to come as close as they can.
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I took so much flack following the publication of yesterday’s column concerning Bentteaspoon’s spiritual crisis that I thought I had entered a war zone. Owners of some of Shalampax’s more profitable cult religion companies complained loudly about my having revealed that most of them have, “bank accounts with balances totaling several billion dollars.”
The cult religion owners admitted that my words were technically accurate, however they feared that my revelation about their wealth created a false impression that will cause them harm.
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Bentteaspoon, the owner of Cherrelig Corp, a cult religion company that owns the Cherism cult religion, is having a spiritual crisis. I know because he came to me seeking advice.
I’m always amazed to learn that these simpering, whimpering, whiny little losers think that, because I write the spirituality column here at Shalampax Speaks, I’m somehow qualified to help them with their spiritual calamities. Idiots!
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Sign of our Lords
Religco, Shalampax’s largest cult religion company, recently launched the ultimate cult religion. Take my word for it, this one is going to blow away all other religions. No doubt about it.
Not to steal too much of the thunder from Religco’s marketing campaign, I’ll just say that this new cult religion, Infinitiaty, doesn’t believe in one god, two gods or even a small number of gods. It believes in an infinite number of Gods.
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Categories: Sprituality Tags: cult, God, gods, Lord, lords, monotheism, monotheistic, polytheism, polytheistic, religion, worship
