The Great Depression
Hugepimple, head of the psychology department at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, recently announced that the clinic has seen an enormous increase in the number of cases of depression that have been diagnosed in the past few weeks. Neither Hugepimple nor anyone else at the clinic can find a reason why a very large cross-section of the Shalampax population should have become so intensely despondent almost simultaneously.
“We have every reason to be miserable on this dismal, storm-plagued, Paahlm-forsaken puny island,” said Hugepimle, “but it has always been thus. So why should people become depressed now? That’s what has us stumped.”
In light of this problem, Hugepimple has recommended that all establishments in Shalampax that serve alcoholic beverages should immediately extend their hours of operation. He has no authority to enforce this course of action, but he strongly advises that it is the right thing to do under the circumstances.
When asked to provide the rationale behind his recommendation Hugepimple responded, “Rationale? Why the hell are you asking me? I bought my degree on the Internet. I don’t have a frigging clue how to treat our patients’ melancholy. Nobody here has any idea how to treat it. So, if we can’t cure it, at least somebody should profit from it. It might as well be the bar and pub owners.”
Thanks, Hugepimple, for your insightful guidance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I need a drink or ten.
