Shalampax Speaks

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, has taken a vow to lose three hundred pounds and build up a muscle or two.

That’s not as ambitious a goal as it sounds. She could afford to drop a hundred pounds off just her derrière and she’d still be carting around her own nicely-padded, organic pillow. Three hundred pounds off her whole body would leave her obese, but no longer quite as morbidly so.

Tuboflard refuses to say what led her to this decision, but most of us think it was her embarrassment over the incident when, for quite a while, one of her triplets was thought to be lost or possibly dead. Instead, the child was playing unseen under one of Tuboflard’s rolls of fat.

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One of Shalampax’s newest spam companies, ShalamSpamCo Inc., is quickly becoming one of our biggest spam enterprises. After the firm’s highly successful launch of its Home Breast Augmentation Surgery Kit, hBASK, it is getting ready to unleash another blockbuster spam campaign. Billions of emails promoting its new AcaiDietJitters™ weight-loss diet supplement are ready to fly.

According to ShalamSpamCo, AcaiDietJitters is an exciting, radical, revolutionary, world-shattering, novel, new, innovative, ground-breaking, breakthrough weight-loss diet supplement.

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