Peeps, this is it. The results are in. The Geneva-based genomics expert emailed me his report on the analysis of Marie’s, MadMadMargo’s and Openfly’s DNA. We now have some definitive news about MadMadMargo’s parentage. I don’t know if she’ll be happy with the results or not, but that’s something she’ll have to decide.
If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, I suggest you get caught up by reading the chronological collection of my columns on this breaking news by looking at the Openfly Serial – Part 2 category.
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Peeps, are you as excited as I am?
I’m sorry. Of course, you can’t answer that until you know how excited I am. Well, let me tell you. I’m a guy and about as manly a man as you’ll find in Shalampax, which, admittedly, is not saying much, but my nipples are erect. That’s how electrified I am!
I almost forgot, I haven’t told you yet why I’m so keyed up, have I?
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Remember peeps, if you’ve been a laggard in reading my columns, you can always get caught up quickly on Openfly’s adventures in America by looking at the Openfly Serial – Part 2 category in the navigation menu to the right. It lists all of my posts in this series in forward chronological order.
Today, I can report that we are getting closer to finding out if Marie is MadMadMargo’s biological mother and whether MadMadMargo’s biological father is Shalampaxian. I also have a hunch about who that father might be, but proving or disproving that will take considerably longer.
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Hi peeps! Good news; sort of. Dr. Donald Rivers has received the second analysis of Openfly’s DNA. It seems to be accurate this time—or, at least, that’s what Dr. Don tells me.
Unfortunately, the results are inconclusive. This makes me a little suspicious because inconclusive results mean that Dr. Don gets what he wants. He gets to attempt to have a child with Openfly, with the hope of determining if Dr. Don and Openfly are of the same species. Presumably, that species would be Homo sapiens.
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Peeps, I don’t know if you’re going to find what I’m about to tell you to be morally reprehensible (and other fun stuff like that), exceptionally funny, mildly amusing, or none of the above. You see, there’s more news to tell in the ongoing Openfly story.
Like the rest of us, Dr. Don Rivers is anxiously awaiting the results of the second attempt to analyze Openfly’s DNA. However, he recently mentioned to me that, even when he does get accurate results, that won’t necessarily definitively answer the question as to whether Shalampaxians are Homo sapiens.
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Peeps, I don’t know what to tell you. The day we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived. That is to say, it sort of arrived, but not quite. Unfortunately, the long and the short of it is that the story is no closer to a conclusion than it ever was.
Dr. Don got Openfly’s DNA analysis back from the lab, but the results are clearly flawed. According to the lab, Openfly is largely a cow.
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