Shalampax Speaks

Peeps, this is it. The results are in. The Geneva-based genomics expert emailed me his report on the analysis of Marie’s, MadMadMargo’s and Openfly’s DNA. We now have some definitive news about MadMadMargo’s parentage. I don’t know if she’ll be happy with the results or not, but that’s something she’ll have to decide.

If you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, I suggest you get caught up by reading the chronological collection of my columns on this breaking news by looking at the Openfly Serial – Part 2 category.

I’ll get right to the point. Marie is MadMadMargo’s biological mother. The genomics expert states that, “considering the strong correlation between Marie’s and MadMadMargo’s DNA and, in particular, their mitochondrial DNA, which, in humans, is passed exclusively through the maternal line, there is only a one in 7.56 billion chance that anyone else could be MadMadMargo’s biological mother.”

MadMadMargo, I hope you’re not disappointed about having such a promiscuous, free-spirited mother. But the results are the results.

The genomics expert then looked at Openfly’s DNA and identified what he thought are genes that exist nowhere other than in the DNA of Shalampaxians. Of course, as he makes clear, he can’t be certain of that. However, those genes have never been found in any other human DNA yet analyzed. And there were too many seemingly unique genes to be genetic mutations in Openfly alone. Consequently, the expert is reasonably confident that they must circulate in only the very closed society of Shalampax.

None of those apparently unique Shalampaxian genes appeared in Marie’s DNA. Based on this, the genomics expert concluded that Marie is almost certainly not Shalampaxian, nor does she have any Shalampaxian heritage.

When he analyzed MadMadMargo’s DNA, the genomics expert found that slightly more than 50 percent of the unique Shalampaxian genes in Openfly’s genome are also in MadMadMargo’s genome. Because these genes can come only from a parent and because Marie has none of these genes, the genomics expert concluded that MadMadMargo’s biological father must be a Shalampaxian.

So MadMadMargo, it would appear that you are one of us, well half one of us. Be afraid. Be very afraid. People outside of Shalampax tell us that we are weird to the extreme. At least some of that weirdness is probably in you.

Of course, to us we are normal. So, MadMadMargo, if you’ve got most of our weirdness you’d fit right in here. I’ll have more to say on fitting in here in a minute.

As to confirming specifically who MadMadMargo’s father is, there’s some possibly good news on that front as well. The winds here have died down sufficiently for us to roll out our temporary dock. That is happening as we speak. The supply ship that has been waiting 75 miles offshore for favorable conditions should dock here soon.

Once the ship has offloaded its cargo—something that is always done as quickly as possible because calm periods are brief here—I’ll give the captain the DNA samples from Roof and the two guys Marie specifically remembers sleeping with around the time MadMadMargo was conceived. The captain has promised to dock at the nearest port and courier the samples to a DNA testing lab. We’ll probably have the results in three to four weeks.

(These results may not be conclusive because Marie says she slept with at least a dozen guys around the time MadMadMargo was conceived, but she only remembers the names of two. Thus, it’s possible that MadMadMargo’s father is not one of the three men who submitted DNA samples. Nonetheless, considering MadMadMargo’s birthmark, my money’s on Roof being MadMadMaro’s father, but who knows?)

I’m sure MadMadMargo’s parentage has repercussions for Shalampaxian society that we haven’t considered yet. They will likely become clear in the fullness of time. Or not.

However, there is one implication that we will have to deal with right away. In a comment on a previous post, MadMadMargo expressed a desire to visit Shalampax.

As you know, we don’t get along well with outsiders. In fact, we usually eat (and not in a good way) any foreigners who manage to land on our shores.

Furthermore, MadMadMargo’s expressed desire to come here made a lot of Shalampaxians suspicious. We live on a speck of an island with one building and a few coconut palm trees, we’re surrounded by almost unrelentingly vicious seas, and we’re tormented by virtually continuous ghastly weather. Nobody wants to come here. The only reasons for anyone still living here are the difficulty of getting off the island and, more important, the international arrest warrants sworn out against most Shalampaxians. As a result, some people here suspect that MadMadMargo may have an evil ulterior motive for wanting to come here, although no one can figure out what it might be.

The question then is, considering all of our concerns, does having a Shalampaxian father and a mother who is, more than anyone else, responsible for modern-day Shalampaxian society provide sufficient grounds to give MadMadMargo the right to come here without the threat of being served for dinner?

I’ve informed Parliament of this issue and our parliamentarians are debating it between their naps.

The sides in the debate are forming along gender lines. As a result of seeing the picture that MadMadMargo has posted on her blog, the men fervently desire to have her visit or, better yet, move here.

On the other hand, the women, who have also seen MadMadMargo’s picture, are desperate to keep her out because they think (probably correctly) that there is no way they could compete with MadMadMargo for the hearts and other body parts of Shalampaxian men.

Peeps, I’ll let you know the result of that debate as soon as I hear it. Bye for now.

Openfly Serial - Part 2 DNA, genomics, maternity, parentage, paternity

Peeps, are you as excited as I am?

I’m sorry. Of course, you can’t answer that until you know how excited I am. Well, let me tell you. I’m a guy and about as manly a man as you’ll find in Shalampax, which, admittedly, is not saying much, but my nipples are erect. That’s how electrified I am!

I almost forgot, I haven’t told you yet why I’m so keyed up, have I?

We’re getting close, peeps. We’re really getting close!

MadMadMargo, Marie and Openfly have all emailed me the complete analysis of their respective DNA sequences that they received back from the labs. I’ve emailed those results to a leading genomics expert in Geneva.

The genomics expert will compare Marie’s and MadMadMargo’s genomes to see if Marie is MadMadMargo’s mother.

The genomics expert will also look at Openfly’s DNA to identify any uniquely Shalampaxian genes. If MadMadMargo has any of those genes then one of her parents must be Shalampaxian. Presumably that parent would be her father, but the expert will also search Marie’s DNA to make sure she doesn’t have any Shalampaxian genes. If she does, that would mean that she is somehow Shalampaxian and could have passed those genes to MadMadMargo, which would put a whole new spin on things.

Because the work of decoding Marie’s, Openfly’s and MadMadMargo’s DNA has already been done, I’m told that we can have the results concerning MadMadMargo’s parentage in a matter of days! Yes peeps, my nipples are still erect!

That’s it for now, peeps. If all goes according to plan—not always a good bet in Shalampax—the next time one of my columns appears in this space I should have some answers for you. I don’t know about you, but I’m on pins and needles. Not only that, but I’ve also got to put on a looser fitting shirt so my nipples won’t show.

Openfly Serial - Part 2 DNA, genome, genomics, maternity, paternity

Remember peeps, if you’ve been a laggard in reading my columns, you can always get caught up quickly on Openfly’s adventures in America by looking at the Openfly Serial – Part 2 category in the navigation menu to the right. It lists all of my posts in this series in forward chronological order.

Today, I can report that we are getting closer to finding out if Marie is MadMadMargo’s biological mother and whether MadMadMargo’s biological father is Shalampaxian. I also have a hunch about who that father might be, but proving or disproving that will take considerably longer.

MadMadMargo and Marie both sent DNA samples to labs for analysis. A few days ago, in a comment on my previous post, MadMadMargo said she expects to have her results within 10 days and promised to email them to me.

Marie is expected to have her results in about the same time and she too promised to email them to me. Marie and MadMadMargo each used a different lab, so there is no question of their DNA samples being accidentally tainted with a sample from the other.

When I have both results I will send them to yet a third DNA analysis company. It will be a company of my choosing. That way, there will be no opportunity for either Marie or MadMadMargo to falsify the results for their own advantage, whatever that advantage may be. The third company will compare the two DNA analyses to determine if Marie is MadMadMargo’s mother.

The two Shalampaxian men that Marie remembered having sex with also volunteered samples for testing. However, getting those two samples analyzed will take a lot longer. (Marie claims to have had sex with at least a dozen men within the appropriate time for them to have fathered MadMadMargo, but she says she can’t remember most of their names.)

The only way to move physical goods, such as the DNA samples, on or off our island is by ship. There is a supply ship expected to arrive in a holding area about 75 miles offshore within a week, but the weather conditions around Shalampax are such that it may have to wait anywhere from one day to two or three months before it is calm enough for the ship to dock safely here. And then the samples will have to be transported to a lab and analyzed. We don’t have the necessary equipment here.

Nonetheless, we should know if MadMadMargo has a Shalampaxian father as soon as we know if Marie is her mother. Openfly has volunteered a DNA sample, which she sent to a lab at the same time as Marie sent in her sample. From Openfly’s time with Dr. Don, we already know that Shalampaxians have a few unique genes that are not present in the genome of other humans. If MadMadMargo has any of those genes then one of her parents must be Shalampaxian.

I didn’t want to ask either Marie or MadMadMargo to pay for the analysis to determine whether Marie is MadMadMargo’s mother. Some Shalampax Speaks readers are very skeptical people. A few of them even have the audacity to assert that they think that Shalampax is a fictional place and Shalampaxians are fictional people. I didn’t want any of the skeptics to be able to suggest that either Marie or MadMadMargo bought the result she wanted.

Unfortunately, I’m not one of the rich Shalampaxians. And, as many of you are aware, trying to extract funds from Shalampaxians who are rich is harder than trying to extract a marshmallow from the core of Mars using existing technologies. As a result, because I thought the DNA analysis fee would have to come from my own meager pocket, I planned to use the cheapest company I could find. Obviously, I was very concerned about the quality of the results that such a company would deliver, but I felt that I had no other choice.

Fortunately, a Shalampaxian volunteered, without prompting, to foot the bill. His name is Roof. Roof is the father of none other than our very own esteemed editor, Birdinhand.

To avoid any hint of bias, Roof is still allowing me to choose the company that will perform the analysis. He’ll simply provide the funding.

Not that it is relevant, but the story of how Roof got his name is mildly interesting and not entirely boring. Because he was born a couple of decades before Marie arrived on our island and taught the inhabitants English, Roof, as he is now called, like the other people here at that time, did not have a name. In those days, people were referred to by the grunting equivalent of “hey you” and an appropriate pointing of the finger.

Adults without names back then later named themselves using the current naming system, except they chose their own names rather than having their parents choose their names for them. And they based their names on something they saw when they named themselves, as opposed to something their parents saw shortly after the named persons’ births, which is the current practice.

Roof selected his name when he saw the roof being put on Shalampax’s building. No one else was called Roof, so he was free to use it. He liked the name because it was much simpler than the silly names that other Shalampaxians were then assigning to themselves and have since assigned to their children. But that’s a digression.

When Roof volunteered to pay for the DNA comparison he said to me, “Spare no expense. Use the most highly qualified DNA analysts you can find.” In addition, despite not being one of the men named by Marie, he volunteered to have a sample of his DNA analyzed because he distinctly and very pleasurably remembers having sex with Marie within the last few months of her time here.

Hmm. Is there something that Roof isn’t telling us? Why is he so eager to fund the analysis and provide a sample of his DNA?

And, what about his name, Roof? If you’ve been reading the comments on my posts, you’ll know that MadMadMargo said, “Does the name ‘Hoof’ ring any bells? The reason I ask is my older brother from time-to-time would call me ‘Hoof’, which would really anger my mother. Could it be his teasing was based on the man who sent the letter?”

The letter MadMadMargo referred to was one that someone claiming to be her biological father sent to her adoptive mother when MadMadMargo was a child. Could her brother have misheard the name of the man who sent the letter? Could “Hoof” be “Roof?”

The possibility that Roof is MadMadMaro’s biological father is a wild guess on my part, but I know someone who will be exceptionally broken-hearted if it turns out to be true: Birdinhand.

Birdinhand has confessed to me that he has fallen deeply in love with MadMadMargo based solely on what she has written on her own blog, the comments she’s written here, and the picture on the profile page of her blog. Considering that he’s never met her, I think “lust” is probably a more appropriate word than “love,” but he refuses to consider any such notion.

Birdinhand is hoping that the tests will show that MadMadMargo had a Shalampaxian father, she’ll decide to move here, other Shalampaxians won’t treat her the way we usually treat foreigners, and he will win her heart.

I told Birdinhand that the picture likely isn’t a picture of MadMadMargo at all. It’s probably a stock photo of some fashion model or movie star. And the photo was probably airbrushed to make the subject look even more beautiful than she really is. No one is that stunning in real-life. If she were, I’d probably be in love—or lust—with her too.

Birdinhand screamed at me when I told him what I thought of MadMadMargo’s alleged picture. He accused me of defiling her good name by intimating that she might be a party to such deceit.

Here’s the problem for Birdinhand. He never considered that MadMadMargo’s father could be his father. Shalampax doesn’t have many taboos, but incest is one of the big ones. We aren’t too strict about what counts as incest. With only 4,242 people and no mating with people outside our country, we can’t afford to be too strict about that. But half-siblings definitely count as incest. If it turns out that Birdinhand’s father is also MadMadMargo’s biological father, a pairing of MadMadMargo and Birdinhand would be out of the question.

That having been said, I don’t think that’s a problem; not in the least. Personally, half-siblings or not, I don’t think Birdinhand would stand a chance with MadMadMargo. If that really is a picture of her—I doubt it, but you never know—she’s beautiful. Birdinhand is, well, not.

Take a look at the pictures below. The one on the left is Birdinhand. The one on the right is the one that appears on MadMadMargo’s blog. Do you honestly think that Birdinhand would have a hope in hell of successfully wooing MadMadMargo if that’s her?

Birdinhand

MadMadMargo

Call me crazy, but I don’t think so.

Openfly Serial - Part 2 biological father, biological mother, DNA

Hi peeps! Good news; sort of. Dr. Donald Rivers has received the second analysis of Openfly’s DNA. It seems to be accurate this time—or, at least, that’s what Dr. Don tells me.

Unfortunately, the results are inconclusive. This makes me a little suspicious because inconclusive results mean that Dr. Don gets what he wants. He gets to attempt to have a child with Openfly, with the hope of determining if Dr. Don and Openfly are of the same species. Presumably, that species would be Homo sapiens.

Also working in Dr. Don’s favor, during Openfly’s next fertile cycle she’s going to have to stop having sex with the bagpipe players and devote herself exclusively to Dr. Don. This is necessary to, as Dr. Don put it, “avoid contaminating the experiment.”

Yeah, right Doc. Sounds like jealousy to me.

Considering the incentive he has to claim that the results are inconclusive, I think we have to be cautious about believing Dr. Don. However, I have nothing else to go on so, unless and until further evidence comes in, I have no option but to accept what he tells me.

Dr. Don gave more details about the results but, despite him trying to use language I can understand, it always sounds like gibberish to me when he talks about DNA and genetics. Maybe you can make some sense of it. Here’s what he told me in an email:

“According to the lab report, 97.9 percent of Openfly’s DNA exactly matches the Homo sapiens DNA sequence. Of those portions of the Homo sapiens and Shalampaxian DNA sequences that can be compared directly, there is a 99.7 percent correspondence between the sequences. Of course, when I say “Shalampaxian,” I’m assuming that Openfly is genetically typical of Shalampaxians.

“That sounds like a small difference, but it is important to keep in mind that the DNA sequence of the common chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes) is 96 percent identical to the Homo sapiens DNA sequence. And the DNA sequence that is comparable between the two genomes is 99 percent identical.

“Few people would have any difficulty differentiating humans and chimpanzees by simply looking at them. And there is no question that humans and chimpanzees are of different species. So, you see, just a few differences in DNA can produce large differences in animal characteristics.

“I know that I have hypothesized that Openfly is closer to the bonobos species than to the common chimpanzee. I used the common chimpanzee as an example here of how a few genetic differences can have large effects only because chimpanzee DNA has been more closely studied than bonobo DNA.

“In any case, it was only an example to illustrate how close we are to other species, genetically speaking. Besides, common chimpanzees and bonobos are very closely related. It is believed that their DNA sequences differ by only about 0.4 percent.

“The point is, Openfly’s DNA is close enough to that of the Homo sapiens species that she could be Homo sapiens. However, there is enough of a difference that she might not be.

“As I mentioned in my previous correspondence, the ability for individuals to mate is what scientists generally use as the definition of species membership. Thus, the only way to properly classify her species and, by extension, all Shalampaxians’ species, would be to attempt a mating between her and a human.

“As you know, I’ve volunteered to participate in that experiment, for purely scientific reasons, of course. Despite her extreme reticence concerning motherhood, she has agreed to proceed with the experiment in return for the payment of considerable financial compensation.

“Openfly mentioned that you told her that she should demand payment up-front before proceeding with the experiment. I am a tad short of funds at this juncture. Fortunately, Openfly ignored you and agreed to accept an IOU.”

Hmm … paying with an IOU. It makes me wonder if maybe Dr. Don is Shalampaxian. If so, Openfly will never see the money.

Well, peeps, that’s were it stands. We probably won’t have any more news for a while.

We know that Openfly had a fertile period that began on May 16. Shalampaxian women usually have 28-day cycles. Right on schedule, her vagina turned red again on June 13.

Openfly says that her vagina is still red, so she’s probably still fertile, but being late in the cycle, Openfly and Dr. Don might have missed their chance this time around. By my calculations, if Openfly doesn’t conceive now, her next fertile period should start on July 11, assuming her cycle holds to the normal 28 days.

It takes nine months to produce a baby, so we have a while to wait to see if Dr. Don and Openfly can produce a viable child.

Of course, if the fetus is not viable, we’ll know sooner. However, because not all fetuses are viable even when there is no inter-species mating, I’m sure Dr. Don will insist on trying again in that case. I think I’ve started to understand Dr. Don’s thinking. Horny bastard.

What I’m saying is, I probably won’t have much to report on this story for a while. I’m sure some juicy tidbits will come up from time to time. I’ll be sure to report them if they do, but otherwise, don’t be surprised if you don’t hear anything for a while.

I’m happy about that because it will give me a chance to get caught up on the juicy gossip here in Shalampax. Of course, I’ll report anything I hear on the local scene as soon as I hear it.

Later, peeps.

Openfly Serial breed, conceive, DNA, interbreed, interbreeding, species

Peeps, I don’t know if you’re going to find what I’m about to tell you to be morally reprehensible (and other fun stuff like that), exceptionally funny, mildly amusing, or none of the above. You see, there’s more news to tell in the ongoing Openfly story.

Like the rest of us, Dr. Don Rivers is anxiously awaiting the results of the second attempt to analyze Openfly’s DNA. However, he recently mentioned to me that, even when he does get accurate results, that won’t necessarily definitively answer the question as to whether Shalampaxians are Homo sapiens.

According to Dr. Don, the definition of what constitutes a species is not precise. Zoologists usually define a species as a group of similar individuals that are capable of interbreeding and, if given the chance, would do so.

(This is Dr. Don-speak. I don’t fully understand it: ) If Openfly’s DNA contains only genes that are found in the Homo sapiens genome, including all genomic variations within the species, then Openfly and, by extension, all Shalampaxians are almost certainly members of the Homo sapiens species.

On the other hand, if Openfly’s DNA varies widely from the Homo sapiens genome then Shalampaxians almost certainly constitute a different species.

But what happens if Openfly’s DNA varies from the Homo sapiens genome by only a few genes? Modern science doesn’t know enough yet to say for certain whether that difference is sufficient to prevent the ability and willingness to interbreed.

Because Dr. Don and Openfly have already, as they say, done the deed, we know that a willingness to have sex is there. But if Openfly had unprotected sex with Dr. Don when she was fertile, rather than refusing him during that time as she did, could that have led to a baby? We don’t know. And the DNA results won’t necessarily settle that question.

Dr. Don has proposed an experiment that might provide an answer. He wants to try to get Openfly pregnant.

I suspect there’s more to it than solely scientific curiosity. Openfly is not in one of her fertile periods, but Dr. Don is suggesting that they start to have frequent, wild sex immediately so they will be “comfortable with each other when the time comes.” (I don’t think Dr. Don intended a pun on the word “comes”.)

I haven’t told Dr. Don this, but I don’t think he’ll have much trouble winning Openfly back from the bonobo. Openfly mentioned to me in an email that the bonobo is not satisfying her. He likes to do it frequently—there’s no problem in that area—but the average bonobo copulation lasts only 13 seconds. And this specimen is no record-beater in that regard.

Heck, I don’t like to brag, but Shalampaxian men easily outlast bonobos. The virile, young guys here don’t finish for at least three or four minutes. And some of the young bucks manage to keep going for five or six minutes, including foreplay, of course.

What’s more, the older guys take a lot longer. And I mean a lot. They’re male equipment doesn’t climax as quickly as the younger guys equipment, so some of the older fellows keep at it for a couple of hours. Women often have to have multiple orgasms, sometimes a great many orgasms, before the old fogeys finish.

Needless to say, the old guys get a lot of action, while the young men spend a lot of time becoming intimate with their fists.

I think that’s why male life expectancies are much longer in Shalampax than elsewhere, despite our sedentary lifestyles and poor diets. My theory is that it’s because we have much more to live for in our old age than guys elsewhere.

Sorry about going off on that sexual tangent. Sometimes my mind wanders like that when the subject of sex comes up. What was I going to say? Oh yeah.

I almost threw a spanner into Dr. Don’s plan. I directed him to the history page of Shalampax’s official Web site. A page within the history section clearly states that Marie, who was definitely Homo sapiens, got pregnant a few times from her “encounters” with Shalampaxians. Thus, I argued, it has already been proven that we can interbreed with a known Homo sapiens and, therefore, a further test would be redundant.

Dr. Don emailed me back saying, “Shut the fuck up and mind your own damn business.”

After he thought about it further, Dr. Don followed up with another, more reasoned email that said, “Yes, assuming that your history records are correct, Marie got pregnant a few times while she was in Shalampax. But your history also says that none those pregnancies ever resulted in a child being born and no one knows what happened to prevent that. I suggest that, while we can’t be certain, it’s possible that the fetuses miscarried spontaneously because they were not viable due to the species mismatch.”

Dr. Don concluded that email by asserting, “Thus, the interbreeding experiment must still be performed. And, under the circumstances, I’m just the dude … I mean, scientist to perform it.”

If you’re a regular reader, you know how much Shalampaxian women despise the idea of bearing children. If you’re not a regular reader, let me tell you, it’s a lot.

Dr. Don has offered to compensate Openfly richly for participating in the sex experiment. Considering his financial situation, I’d recommend that Openfly demand payment in advance.

That brings up another point. Dr. Don is offering to pay for sex with Openfly. Isn’t that prostitution? It’s not that I think there is anything wrong with that. I’m just pointing it out.

That’s it for now, peeps. If Openfly agrees to Dr. Don’s proposal, would you like me to blog about the details here? And, if so, exactly how detailed would you like me to get? I know Openfly wouldn’t mind—she’s a world-class exhibitionist—but I don’t know about Dr. Don.

Openfly Serial bonobo, DNA, interbreed, interbreeding, sex, species

Peeps, I don’t know what to tell you. The day we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived. That is to say, it sort of arrived, but not quite. Unfortunately, the long and the short of it is that the story is no closer to a conclusion than it ever was.

Dr. Don got Openfly’s DNA analysis back from the lab, but the results are clearly flawed. According to the lab, Openfly is largely a cow.

It’s true that all of us Shalampaxians have been called cows once, twice or, more likely, a few thousand times. But, among Shalampaxians, Openfly is the least deserving of that epithet. She is one of the slimmer among us, not that that’s saying much.

Most of us have also had the “pig” and “swine” labels thrown at us. However, those are what pass for terms of endearment here. They aren’t meant to be taken literally.

Clearly, cows are too far off the human evolutionary path for Shalampaxians to be of the cow family.

I knew that there had to be an explanation for this implausible result. There is.

Much to my surprise, it seems that Ph.D. graduates from Muddy York University don’t attract the really big research grants. Dr. Don probably could have received more money by begging for spare change in the poorest section of just about any city in the Third World. As a result, he sent Openfly’s DNA sample to the lowest cost lab he could find.

To claim that the lab’s quality standards are less than ideal would be a gross understatement. Saying it would be roughly on par with saying that Ebola fever is less than desired by most sane people.

Lab workers there are not only permitted to eat lunch at their lab benches; they are encouraged to do so. The lab’s owners think this improves productivity by allowing employees to work through their lunch hours.

As it turns out, the lab worker who analyzed Openfly’s sample has a penchant for steak tartare. And she is a messy eater. Need I say more?

The other ingredients in steak tartare could also explain why the DNA results showed that Openfly has traces of chicken and onion genes in addition to her bovine genes. Did I forget to mention that?

Fortunately, the lab guarantees that its results will be accurate or the next analysis is free. Having used up most of his research funds, Dr. Don is taking advantage of this guarantee. Upon receiving the erroneous analysis, he immediately took another DNA sample from Openfly and mailed it to the lab.

I thought of wiring Dr. Don whatever cash required to employ a reputable lab and an overnight courier service. Thanks to my shares in some of Shalampax’s cult religion companies, the expenditure wouldn’t come close to being a noticeable percentage of my annual income. However, giving him the cash goes too far against my Shalampaxian nature. We take money. We don’t give it.

So peeps, we continue to wait. Sorry about. As always, I’ll keep you posted when news comes in.

Openfly Serial chicken, cow, DNA, egg, lab, onion