Hey, peeps. The word in the halls is that Severedfinger is desperately seeking a new apartment. Apparently, the dust in his current place is now piled so high that he is having trouble squeezing through the constricted space between the top of the dust layers and the ceiling.
He’s also having a particular problem when he returns from the pub after finishing his mostly liquid meal. Climbing up the dust hill behind his door is rather difficult when he’s in the state he is usually in after his thrice-daily sessions at the pub.
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Yesterday, I attended another of Emptybucket’s exceptionally superfluous, dreary talks. Yesterday’s subject was “Using Dust, Dust Bunnies, Grime and Soap Scum as Decorative Elements.”
Emptybucket contends that these materials are perfect for home decoration, but too many people misuse them. Rather than over-thinking and over-working your home decoration projects, you should, according to Emptybucket, just let the dust, dust bunnies, grime and soap scum lie where they fall, thereby creating a much more natural decorative motif.
Emptybucket criticized people who use sponges, mops, rags, cleansers and water to alter their collection of dust, dust bunnies, grime and soap scum, thereby giving the resulting decoration an artificial feel. “Natural is definitely the way to go in home decorating,” exclaimed Emptybucket.
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I am very happy to be able to pass this news along. The government is in the process of procuring robotic vacuum cleaners that will be used in the hallways of Shalampax’s building. We should see these little marvels begin their work within the next few weeks.
The government felt this was a necessary procurement as most Shalampaxian adults have been scraping the tops of their heads on our hallways’ ceilings. And some of the taller among us have developed what might now be a permanent stoop.
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