I know this is going to be hard to believe, but Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, has taken a vow to lose three hundred pounds and build up a muscle or two.
That’s not as ambitious a goal as it sounds. She could afford to drop a hundred pounds off just her derrière and she’d still be carting around her own nicely-padded, organic pillow. Three hundred pounds off her whole body would leave her obese, but no longer quite as morbidly so.
Tuboflard refuses to say what led her to this decision, but most of us think it was her embarrassment over the incident when, for quite a while, one of her triplets was thought to be lost or possibly dead. Instead, the child was playing unseen under one of Tuboflard’s rolls of fat.
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There is a room on the fourth floor of our building, room 4242, to be precise, that no one had entered since the building was built. That is, no one had entered it until recently.
Before you ask, let me assure you that the fact that the number of the room is the same as Shalampax’s population quota is absolutely, positively, without a doubt a total coincidence. At least, I think it is.
If you weren’t going to ask about the coincidence of 4242 then never mind. It’s not relevant.
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At 7:30 p.m. tonight, Shatteredeyeglasses will present a half-hour television special titled “Fitness for Couch Potatoes.” The show will be broadcast on Shalampax’s closed-circuit channel 969.
Shatteredeyeglasses has published the following agenda for the program:
- The Importance of Stretching: Why It’s OK to Yawn Read more…
