Two days ago, the Parliament of Shalampax began an unscheduled recess that is expected to last approximately two weeks. This is only an estimate, but the custodian of Parliament feels that it will require at least that long to adequately air out the Chamber of Parliament.
The airing became necessary when the restaurant in Parliament, which is available exclusively to our parliamentarians, made a tactical error two days ago. Without considering the consequences, it featured a lunch special that included an all-you-can eat baked bean and coleslaw buffet.
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I usually talk about existing Shalampaxian companies in this space, but today I’m going to tell you about an innovative business idea that a columnist right here at Shalampax Speaks, Stoneupnose, is working on. His plan is to capture his own natural gas and sell it on the open market.
Stoneupnose’s farting capabilities are second to none. What’s more, his farts have been tested and found to have extraordinarily high concentrations of methane, which makes them all the more valuable as a fuel.
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The tenth annual Shalampax Farting Championships were held yesterday. As usual, gold, silver and bronze medals were handed out in the loudest fart, smelliest fart and most powerful fart (as measured by a wind gauge) events.
One contestant, Shalampax Speaks’ own Stoneupnose, won three medals: gold in the smelliest fart event; another gold for most powerful fart and a silver in the loudest fart category. Congratulations Stoneupnose! You did us proud!
I’ve always wondered why our administrator, Birdinhand, has always insisted that Stoneupnose work at home rather than in the office. Now I know.
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