Shalampax Speaks

Shalampax’s spam companies are reporting that holiday sales have been exceptionally high this year. As a result, in the new year the world will be filled with millions of women with larger, firmer breasts and millions of men with longer, thicker penises; and erectile dysfunction should be a thing of the past for many of the men who suffer from it now.

Our spam companies are at a loss to explain why holiday sales were so strong this year. However, they think that a great many people likely intend to pay off their holiday-induced debts with the millions of dollars that they foresee receiving from the unexpected inheritances they got from people they don’t know or from their winnings from lotteries for which they didn’t buy tickets. This, too, has added to our spam companies’ holiday profits.

These people have been promised that they will receive their money as soon as they provide complete banking details and remit the $280 administration fees. No doubt, they are hoping that the money will arrive in time to pay the large credit card bills they incurred buying male and female enhancement products from our spam companies. Where would the worlds’ businesses be without such a wealth of incredibly gullible people. Paahlm bless them.

Aren’t the holidays grand?

My congratulations go out to the guys and gals at our spam companies on their tremendous success. Happy holidays!

Spams R Us, Inc., the leading spam company in Shalampax, announced its financial results today. Despite the global economic downturn, profits are way up.

A spokesman for Spams R Us attributed the company’s good fortune to a number of factors:

• The fake Nigerian inheritance scam spam had died off for a while, but it was successfully resurrected last quarter.
    
• Spams R Us has penetrated the porn market more deeply than it had in the past.
    
• The profitability of spam that promotes Viagra substitutes has risen very firmly.
    
• Male and female enhancement spam profits are enlarging.
    
• Spam promoting courses teaching how to get more sex is showing mixed results. The department that generates such spam directed at women is blossoming, but the men are just holding their own.

Spams R Us is very confident that it will be able to continue to grow its profits in the future. In order to get the word out to anyone and everyone who might be interested in investing in the company, Spams R. Us plans to send out more than 250 million emails notifying people of the company’s financial results.