Shalampax Speaks

Today is Ocean Day in Shalampax.

Living on a tiny speck of an island in the midst of the vast Pacific Ocean, we are ever-conscious of the enormity, majesty, bountifulness, beauty, power and, yes, often destructiveness of our oceans. That is why we honor, venerate, often immensely fear and, particularly on this day, greatly celebrate our planet’s seas.

We are especially appreciative of the fact that there are no more than a few hundred steps—if that—between the ocean and every point on Shalampax. This provides us with easy access to a massive liquid dumping ground where we can, without a care in the world, dispose of our raw sewage and garbage.

Read more…

The trash compactor/torpedo firer in the southwest quadrant of the building is broken. Until further notice, if you normally use that garbage chute, please take your garbage to one of the chutes in the other three quadrants of the building.

Or, if you are lazy, i.e., you are a typical Shalampaxian, you can do what I plan to do. Surreptitiously leave your garbage bags in front of your neighbor’s door. Your neighbor will undoubtedly, also surreptitiously, place your garbage, along with his or her garbage, in front of his or her neighbor’s door.

Read more…