I am pleased to report that most Shalampaxians have emaciated themselves into accepting the inescapable truth that forsaking their devout worship of God 148 is the only sane and survivable course of action, despite the inevitability of being denounced as infidels and shunned by those few souls who are still pious in their God 148ly beliefs and deeds. Consequently, the apostates are now on the road to recovery with the help of a much needed, greatly appreciated orgy of gluttonous feasting.
However, because they discovered that they have a fundamental personal shortcoming, not all of my compatriots have been able to follow my path in going cold turkey and completely giving up on religion. Deprived of the benefit of the excuse of God 148′s insistence on strict observance of Her full-week-minus-a-second Sabbath, they are incapable of finding their own reasons for sloth. Rather than forsaking all God-given excuses for indolence and thereby being expected to work what, in most of the developed world, would be considered to be a full workweek, many have reverted fully to Paahlmism, but others have moved their spiritual allegiances a single God down the line in the infinite hierarchy of Infinitiaty’s Gods. They now worship God 147.
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That’s it! I’m reading the Riot Act! I would have read it before, but we didn’t have a riot act, so I had to write one.
For the last three days in a row, reporters here at Shalampax Speaks have been writing about and linking to the Church of Infinitiaty. There was even a link to the church’s doctrine on Created Evolution.
These were plugs, plain and simple. There is no excuse for it. Clearly, vested interests were being served. This is completely unacceptable in the news and editorial pages of any respectable journal, whether online or print.
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I am sublimely blissful in a totally spiritual sort of way.
Why? A number of people thought that Religco was being overly optimistic in its forecasts for the success of the re-launch of the Infinitiaty faith. However, it turns out that Religco grossly underestimated its profits from the religion.
It’s been less than two days since Religco announced the re-launch of the Church of Infinitiaty, the faith with an infinity of Gods, but the company’s revenue from the religion is already well ahead of where it was expected to be three months from now. Some religion-business analysts are saying Infinitiaty is going to be the biggest thing to hit the religion business since Jesus. (Although they try to avoid saying that in front of Christians because Christians are very protective of the Jesus brand.)
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Damn! Damn! Damn!
You’d think that after all of this time covering the business beat here at Shalampax Speaks I would have learned by now. If the stock of a Shalampax company starts going up, buy in and buy in big at the first sign of any share price movement. It’s a sure sign of insider trading.
Here in Shalampax, insider trading is not only allowed, it’s not only condoned, it’s actually enthusiastically encouraged. The only time insider trading is illegal is if the company fails to inform the Prime Minister of Shalampax and at least two of his or her Cabinet Ministers of the insider information before any insiders begin to trade based on that information.
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With any luck, I’ll get my cute little ass fired off this blog-writing gig because my creative juices aren’t flowing. My lack of a clue as to what to write here bothered me, but then I thought, I’m the spiritual writer here. The answer is obvious. Pray to Paahlm for divine inspiration.
So I prayed to Paahlm asking It to deliver unto me a blog post; a good one, please. I prayed like nobody’s business, which is a rather stupid thing to say because it is nobody’s business but my own. The point is, I prayed like crazy. And crazy is what I’ve always thought of praying, but never mind. Despite all of that fervent praying, Paahlm didn’t come through.
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Religco launched its Infinitiaty cult religion only a short time ago, but it is already a tremendous success, gathering a steady stream of believers daily. Despite the newness and success of Infinitiaty, the Sages of Infinitiaty are already considering a revision to the theology underlying the cult’s religion’s core belief system.
As you know, Infinitiaty is founded on the principle that nothing can come into existence without something causing it to have come into existence. Thus, there must be a god who created our God. And there must be a god who created that god. And so on into an infinite regress of gods. The impossibility of a causeless cause demands no less.
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