Shalampax School students can finally get their math grades. The marks were not available when report cards were issued a month ago because the Shalampax School head math teacher, Decapitatedbird, was having trouble adding up the scores from the tests she issued during the term and calculating final grades from them.
Eventually, she had to resort to the Internet to contract someone from outside Shalampax to help her with calculating the grades. The marks would have been available sooner, but the contractor wisely refused to turn over the scores until Decapitatedbird paid the agreed price.
Read more…
In the past, the Shalampax school has issued report cards with “A” through “F” letter grades for each subject. Until now, report cards have been sent home with students three times a year.
It has long been felt that the letter grades were somewhat arbitrary and not particularly descriptive of the students’ academic progress and achievements. In addition, teachers have long complained that assigning letter grades to every student three times a year was too onerous a task, particularly when you consider how much time teachers have to spend stretching and yawning in preparation for their classes.
In consideration of these complaints, the Shalampax school is changing its reporting procedures. From now on, report cards will be issued only once annually, at the end of the school year.
Read more…
The term has now ended at Shalampax’s school and I’m pleased to announce that, on average, grades have increased school-wide by 18.3% over last year’s results. Our teachers, principal, administrators, school board members and, even more so, students are to be highly commended.
Cynics will point out that grading standards are very much lower in Shalampax than anywhere else in the world. This is true, but the grading standards have remained constant from year to year, so the improvement is still notable and praiseworthy.
Read more…
A teacher recently issued a failing grade on a paper submitted by one of her students. I know what you’re saying, “This is the first post from this new correspondent, Poopydiaper, and she starts off by telling us something that’s not news.”
I’ll grant you that a student receiving a failing grade on a paper is hardly news. That’s particularly true here in Shalampax, where failing is the rule, not the exception. What makes this story news is that the student’s mother and father, Rotteddriftwood and Slutwearingmicromini, respectively, appealed the grade to the school board. They won their appeal and had an “A” assigned to the paper instead.
Here’s what happened. When the 23-year-old student, Roastedrat, turned in his paper to his grade nine teacher, Albatrossoverhead, alarm bells immediately went off in Albatrossoverhead’s head.
Read more…
