The Shalampax Medical Clinic has decided to expand its mandate to include a public education component. Henceforth, the clinic will try to enlighten Shalampaxians on health-related issues. This element being added to the clinic’s mission because the medical staff there have come to believe that the happiest, healthiest and best patients are educated patients.
The doctors at the clinic have no idea why this could possibly be the case. In fact, they suspect that they are misunderstanding the concept, but one of the medical staff read it in a popular, mass-circulation magazine that even has its own Facebook page and Twitter account, so it must be true.
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A few days ago I told you about a health advisory from the Shalampax Medical Clinic advising people who ate the “fish” at Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant to visit the clinic as soon as possible. I’m pleased to report that the condition that Tuboflard mistook for death was actually a coma.
If you saw the raw text of the press release that the medical clinic recently issued to correct its earlier diagnosis, please note that there was a typographical error in it. As I’ve just reported, patients were in a coma. They were not, as the clinic’s press release said, in a comma. You can put your mind at ease. Your loved ones’ lives were not punctuated.
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In an earlier post I inadvertently revealed that the Chief Medical Officer (CMO) at the Shalampax Medical Clinic is a tad obese. That’s a tad obese as in, able to block out the sun’s light when standing 30 paces from the viewer.
She is so fat that she has to grease her sides to squeeze through a standard size door. Even then, she requires the help of a several people to push her through.
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The Shalampax Medical Clinic asked me to pass along the following health advisory:
Anyone who visited Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant (its name and an accurate description) last night and inferred from the menu listing “Catch of the Day” that they were eating fish, and fresh fish at that, should visit the medical clinic as soon as possible.
The Chief Medical Officer (CMO) at the clinic suggests that there is no cause for alarm because alarm won’t help. She does, however recommend that you get your affairs in order before visiting the emergency room.
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Many diners at Shalampax’s most expensive restaurant, creatively named Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, have complained of finding insects in their salads. The creepy-crawlies have been of a number of different varieties and sizes, both living and dead.
Most of the bugs have been large enough such that a sober, sighted chef could not possibly overlook them. My sources confirm that the chef is sighted, but they refuse to comment on his sobriety.
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