Today is National Goof Off And Don’t Give A Damn Day (National GOADGAD Day) in Shalampax. Goofing off and not giving a damn is pretty much what most of us here do throughout most days, which is why we felt it was especially important to commemorate our national pastime with a holiday.
On National GOADGAD Day Shalampaxians all, well, not to put too fine a point on it, goof off and don’t give a damn about doing so. True, as I said, that’s what we do almost every day, but today we do it as a patriotic duty.
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Shalampaxians will be observing National Physical Fitness Day today. Of course, Shalampaxians being Shalampaxians, we’ll be observing it from the comfort of our couches, with our feet firmly planted on ottomans and beers always in hand. (Well, that is to say the beer cans will be in our hands. The beers will be in the cans until a few seconds after the cans are opened, after which the beers will be down our throats, into our bellies and then out through our urinary tracts. But you get the picture.)
Observance consists mostly of watching sports on television.
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Celebrate National Mime Day!
The Government of Shalampax has passed a proclamation naming today National Mime Day.
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Prime Minister Manexposinghimself has issued an official proclamation declaring tomorrow to be Marie Day in Shalampax. Marie Day commemorates Marie, the nymphomaniac who, in 1952, washed up on our shores barely alive, was nursed back to health, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, taught us English, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, taught us about the link between sex and making babies, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, had a number of terminated pregnancies, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, attempted with little success to “civilize” Shalampaxians, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, and then left after no small encouragement from us when she became somewhat annoying by constantly correcting our grammar.
Marie Day does not celebrate any particular day in Marie’s life or the day on which any one of her activities in Shalampax occurred. In fact, the choice of the day couldn’t be anything but arbitrary as we didn’t use calendars back in 1952, Marie never told us her birthday, and we never asked.
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