Some Spams R Us customers have recently complained that checks from Spams R Us for the customers’ portions of promised lottery winnings or inheritances have gotten lost in the mail. These postal losses have occurred after the customers promptly paid the required account-unlocking fees, which range from $500 to $50,000. Because the customers’ shares of lottery or inheritance funds are typically worth millions of dollars each, these customers have, understandably, felt aggrieved.
Those customers who responded to multiple email solicitations, paying multiple account-unlocking fees, feel multiply aggrieved.
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Shalampax’s spam companies are reporting that holiday sales have been exceptionally high this year. As a result, in the new year the world will be filled with millions of women with larger, firmer breasts and millions of men with longer, thicker penises; and erectile dysfunction should be a thing of the past for many of the men who suffer from it now.
Our spam companies are at a loss to explain why holiday sales were so strong this year. However, they think that a great many people likely intend to pay off their holiday-induced debts with the millions of dollars that they foresee receiving from the unexpected inheritances they got from people they don’t know or from their winnings from lotteries for which they didn’t buy tickets. This, too, has added to our spam companies’ holiday profits.
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I’ve been accused of unfairly giving Shalampax’s cult religion industry more attention here than our spam industry. Let me assure those of my friends who work for one of our spam firms that I did not intend any slight against them. Not in the least.
Our cult religion businesses do contribute about twice as much to Shalampax’s GDP as our spam businesses, but our spam industry is certainly no slouch when it comes to bringing in the big bucks.
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