Hey peeps, here’s a freakily weird story for you.
During one of our near-constant storms, a massive wave washed up on our shores, as they frequently do. A couple of hours later, the inclement weather subsided sufficiently for Pigsface to dash outside briefly to catch a bit of air.
(Just to be clear, in Shalampax, the term “inclement” refers to any weather that is just short of catastrophic, catastrophic, or beyond catastrophic. Weather that is any less calamitous than that is referred to as “pleasant.”)
Read more…
It has only been a few days since Spams R Us announced that everything it sold now comes with a lifetime guarantee, but the company has already received a warrantee claim.
Some guy named Bert Peenberger downloaded Spams R Us’ free male enhancement smart phone application. As per the installation instructions, he ignored the spyware warnings that his smart phone flashed up while the app was installing.
Read more…
Shalampax’s spam companies are reporting that holiday sales have been exceptionally high this year. As a result, in the new year the world will be filled with millions of women with larger, firmer breasts and millions of men with longer, thicker penises; and erectile dysfunction should be a thing of the past for many of the men who suffer from it now.
Our spam companies are at a loss to explain why holiday sales were so strong this year. However, they think that a great many people likely intend to pay off their holiday-induced debts with the millions of dollars that they foresee receiving from the unexpected inheritances they got from people they don’t know or from their winnings from lotteries for which they didn’t buy tickets. This, too, has added to our spam companies’ holiday profits.
Read more…
This is the time of year when many people, in many parts of the world feverishly shop for Christmas, Chanukah (aka, Hanukkah) and whatever presents. During this joyous spending season, the leaders of Shalampax’s spam companies have asked me to remind you that male enhancement and breast enlarging and firming lotions, potions and contraptions make perfect gifts.
What insecure person on your list wouldn’t want to get the gift of a longer, thicker penis or a larger, firmer breast, as the case may be? So, this festive season, give your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers and paramours the present they really want. Give them the porn star body parts they always dreamed of, but were afraid to ask for.
Read more…
I sometimes get emails from men outside of Shalampax who question whether the male enhancement products offered by our fine spam companies do, indeed, work. These men don’t want to give their credit card information to our spam companies unless they can be certain that the products will, in fact, increase the size of their penises.
I’m shocked and appalled right down to the very core of my being that anyone would question the integrity of our spam companies, but there you have it. Surprising though it may be, there are some skeptical people out there.
Read more…
Spams R Us, Shalampax’s leading spam company, has long been stuffing the email inboxes of hundreds of millions of what it assumes are adoring prospective customers. It sends out billions of offers every month just for male enhancement creams and lotions that firm and enlarge breasts. In fact, those are the company’s biggest—no pun intended—profit makers.
Today, it’s launching a packaging innovation that it thinks will dramatically increase sales and capture new customers. As I’m writing this, Spams R Us’ thousands of hijacked spam bots are busy churning out offers for the Super Boobdick Enhancement Twin-Pack, which is also known as the Boobdick Twin-Pack, for short—definitely no pun intended.
Read more…
