Peeps, if you’re not sitting or lying down I strongly recommend that you do so. I cannot be held responsible for any injuries you may suffer when you collapse in shock upon hearing the news I’m about to relate.
Do you remember the experiment that Dr. Don proposed while Openfly was on the ship? You remember. Dr. Don suggested that the way to prove that Shalampaxians are members of the Homo sapiens species—something that Dr. Don doubted—was for a Homo sapiens, namely Dr. Don, to impregnate Openfly. If the pregnancy resulted in a viable human baby, that would mean that Openfly must be Homo sapiens.
Well, it turns out that the experiment was unnecessary. A product of sex between a Shalampaxian and a non-Shalampaxian has been living on this earth for about 55 years. Can you believe it? Marie was pregnant when she fled Shalampax!
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Prime Minister Manexposinghimself has issued an official proclamation declaring tomorrow to be Marie Day in Shalampax. Marie Day commemorates Marie, the nymphomaniac who, in 1952, washed up on our shores barely alive, was nursed back to health, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, taught us English, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, taught us about the link between sex and making babies, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, had a number of terminated pregnancies, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, attempted with little success to “civilize” Shalampaxians, put smiles on a lot of guys faces, and then left after no small encouragement from us when she became somewhat annoying by constantly correcting our grammar.
Marie Day does not celebrate any particular day in Marie’s life or the day on which any one of her activities in Shalampax occurred. In fact, the choice of the day couldn’t be anything but arbitrary as we didn’t use calendars back in 1952, Marie never told us her birthday, and we never asked.
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