Shalampax Speaks

Back in November, I told you that the Shalampax school board implemented a No Child Left Behind program to combat the problem of parents leaving their children in school after hours, including overnight and, in some cases, over the weekend. The key element in the program is a fee that the school board now charges any parents who leave their children in the school when it’s closed.

I’m happy to report that the No Child Left Behind program has been a tremendous success. Before the school board implemented the program, some parents never thought to leave their children in school to keep them out of their parents’ hair. Now almost all parents do so frequently.

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This message is intended for only Shalampaxian parents. Everyone else won’t give a damn. Shalampaxian parents won’t give a damn either, but they should.

Many parents treat the Shalampax school as a babysitting service, which, of course, it is not. Parents frequently drop their kids off at the school in the morning and tell them to not come home that night.

To combat this problem, the Shalampax school is implementing a “No Child Left Behind Without Payment” program. Effective immediately, parents will be charged $75 per hour for each hour that a student is left at school past 4:00 p.m. There will be a flat rate of $500 per night for students left at the school overnight.

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