Shalampax Speaks

Hey, peeps. Are you sitting down? If not, you might want to do so before you read this because I’ve got news that will knock you off your feet. You wouldn’t want to hurt your ass when you fell, now would you?

Tuboflard, Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic — or I should say former Chief Medical Officer, but more on that later — has lost weight; a lot of weight. Whereas in the past her weight technically qualified her as a not so small building, she’s now packing only 180 pounds on that 5′ 8″ body of hers.

There’s still no chance that Tuboflard will be mistaken for anorexic, but, without having to stand too far back, most people’s peripheral vision is now more than adequate to take in the full width of her. In the past, most rooms in Shalampax weren’t big enough to allow people to stand far enough back for that.

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I am pleased to announce that Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, is having great success with her diet. She has already lost almost one hundred pounds.

She has succeeded in her diet by taking the occasional break from eating rather than eating continuously throughout the day as she did in the past. I fear that she might have to go a little further if she’s going to continue to lose weight.

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