Two days ago, the Parliament of Shalampax began an unscheduled recess that is expected to last approximately two weeks. This is only an estimate, but the custodian of Parliament feels that it will require at least that long to adequately air out the Chamber of Parliament.
The airing became necessary when the restaurant in Parliament, which is available exclusively to our parliamentarians, made a tactical error two days ago. Without considering the consequences, it featured a lunch special that included an all-you-can eat baked bean and coleslaw buffet.
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The Parliament of Shalampax has put in an order for the purchase of five ultra-powerful supercomputers. The sole purpose of these systems will be to output numbers that are generated as randomly as possible.
These random numbers will have 27 decimal places and range between zero and one. The numbers will be used to pick answers to yes-or-no questions. A number below 0.5 will represent a “no” answer. A result above 0.5 will equate to a “no” answer.
With 27 decimal places, the probability that a randomly generated number will exactly equal 0.5 is exceptionally small, but not impossible. If that happens, the number will be thrown out and a new random number—and, therefore, a new yes or no answer—will be generated.
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Yesterday, Shalampax’s Parliament passed a “ways and means” motion authorizing an expenditure for new furniture in the offices of Members of Parliament. The couches that are currently in their offices will be replaced with automated fold-out beds.
Once the new couches are in place, when Parliament is not in session and Members of Parliament are “working” in their offices, they’ll be able to push a button and the couch will automatically fold out into a bed. Members will then be able to take much more comfortable naps—or whatever—in their offices than is currently possible.
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After a lengthy shutdown to celebrate an extended National Democracy Month, the Parliament of Shalampax finally reopened this morning. It’s return to session was quite normal for our Parliament, which is to say that it was totally bizarre.
As has long been the custom here in Shalampax, the parliamentary session began with the Members of Parliament (MPs) being formally summoned to the parliamentary chambers by a government official who holds the ceremonial title of the “Gentleman of the Black Rod.” I don’t want to get into how that title came into existence, but suffice it to say that I think it’s genetic.
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Looking ahead to the remainder of this week, the big excitement here in Shalampax is that Parliament will be reopening on Wednesday, March 3 after an extended National Democracy Month prorogation. (Prorogation shuts down Parliament and all of its committees. Considering how much our parliamentarians hate serving in our Parliament, it is surprising how infrequently prorogation is used here. However, I’m told that proroguing Parliament is a favorite practice of Canada’s Prime Minister, Stephen Harper.)
All Shalampaxians are greatly looking forward to having our Parliament in session again because, with our Members of Parliament finally back in their chairs snoozing away, there will be much more room for the rest of us at Shalampax’s bars.
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The Parliament of Shalampax was supposed to reopen today, February 2, 2010, after its one-month shutdown for National Democracy Month and the subsequent one-day extension to compensate parliamentarians for already being off on Anson Jones Day. That was what was supposed to happen, but the reopening of Parliament has been postponed.
Totally out of character for him, Manexposinghimself, Prime Minister of Shalampax, read some news while on his extended vacation. He stumbled on an article reporting that, on December 30, 2009, the Prime Minister of Canada, Stephen Harper, shut down or, in the parliamentary vernacular, prorogued the Canadian Parliament until March 3, 2010.
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