Rottentomato, proprietor of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, would like to tell his patrons about his daily specials. Unfortunately, he can’t do so because he is in a coma in the intensive care unit of the Shalampax Medical Center after making the mistake of eating in his own restaurant. Unaccustomed to consuming his own fare, he had not yet built up an immunity to it.
Do not despair. Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant has been in business for a long time. Rottentomato’s wife has set up an all-you-can eat buffet consisting of the leftovers that have been thrown into the back of the restaurant’s pantry and into slop pails over the years.
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Rottentomato, owner of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, keeps his eye on culinary trends around the world. He has, with some trepidation, witnessed the expanding worldwide distress about obesity. This girth anxiety has not yet reached Shalampax’s shores, but Rottentomato wants to stay ahead of the curve to ensure that a possible future concern about calories future will not affect his restaurant’s bottom line.
As a result, Rottentomato recently introduced a Waist-Watchers program at Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant. This is not to be confused with the trademarked Weight Watchers plans and products from Weight Watchers International, Inc.
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A little while back, I told you about the opening of Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant. It seems that, unbeknownst to the diners, crabs were on the menu. In their defense, I should add that Barfontable and Shitonfloor, the proprietors of the restaurant, were also unaware of it.
Fortunately, the Shalampax Medical Clinic has an ample supply of creams and shampoos that can reliably treat crabs, also know as pubic lice.
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Rottentomato’s restaurant, Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, has always been appropriately named—until now. But it looks like he is going to have to either change the name or live with a lie. Considering how comfortable Shalampaxians, and Rottentomato in particular, are with deceit, I think I know which one he will choose.
Rottentomato has lost his “most costly” crown to Barfontable and Shitonfloor, a husband and wife team who have opened Shalampax’s Most Exclusive Restaurant, which is both the name of their restaurant and an accurate description.
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After ignoring the situation for many years, Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, has finally used her regulatory powers to order Rottentomato, owner of Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant, to either eliminate all vermin from his premises and keep them vermin-free or shut his restaurant down.
That will teach Rottentomato to refuse Tuboflard’s request for a volume discount at the restaurant.
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The Shalampax Medical Clinic asked me to pass along the following health advisory:
Anyone who visited Shalampax’s Most Expensive Restaurant (its name and an accurate description) last night and inferred from the menu listing “Catch of the Day” that they were eating fish, and fresh fish at that, should visit the medical clinic as soon as possible.
The Chief Medical Officer (CMO) at the clinic suggests that there is no cause for alarm because alarm won’t help. She does, however recommend that you get your affairs in order before visiting the emergency room.
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