Here’s a fact that you probably don’t know. And you won’t hear it anywhere else. Thorough searches of the patent databases of all major industrialized countries shows that not a single patent has ever been issued to a Shalampaxian.
You might conclude from this that Shalampaxians are not the least bit innovative. You would be wrong. We have innovativeness up the wazoo, whatever the hell that means.
Another pertinent statistic is much more difficult to verify, but the margin is enormous enough to say confidently that, on a per capita basis, Shalampaxians have originated more successful innovative scams than citizens of any other country.
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I have shocking news, peeps!
The rumors are too widespread to be ignored. It seems that Discardedporkrind has been running a classic Ponzi scheme. The word is that thousands of people have been bilked, including some Shalampaxians, but mostly foreigners.
If the claims are to be believed, and there is every reason to believe that they should be, Discardedporkrind has taken in roughly $100 million, over and above the meager funds he paid out to keep early “investors” interested.
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Spams R Us, Inc., the leading spam company in Shalampax, announced its financial results today. Despite the global economic downturn, profits are way up.
A spokesman for Spams R Us attributed the company’s good fortune to a number of factors:
- The fake Nigerian inheritance scam spam had died off for a while, but it was successfully resurrected last quarter.
- Spams R Us has penetrated the porn market more deeply than it had in the past.
- The profitability of spam that promotes Viagra substitutes has risen very firmly.
- Male and female enhancement spam profits are enlarging.
- Spam promoting courses teaching how to get more sex is showing mixed results. The department that generates such spam directed at women is blossoming, but the men are just holding their own.
Spams R Us is very confident that it will be able to continue to grow its profits in the future. In order to get the word out to anyone and everyone who might be interested in investing in the company, Spams R. Us plans to send out more than 250 million emails notifying people of the company’s financial results.
