Shalampax Speaks

Splitcoconut has asked me to pass along word that he recently achieved an important milestone that he as been striving to attain for a few days now. He hopes that all of his family and friends will join him in joyously celebrating this important feat.

Yes, after nine consecutive days of excruciating constipation, Splitcoconut was finally able to give a shit. Although, rhetorically speaking, he, like most Shalampaxians, still doesn’t give a shit about much else.

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The owners, management and staff of the Shalampax Grocery Store have asked me to pass along an important message to their customers.

As regular shoppers are no doubt aware, the Shalampax Grocery Store sells a number of private label items. The store imports these goods in bulk and then repackages them in containers bearing the store’s own labels. The store usually offers at least one such product at a special sale price each month.

Last month’s special was labeled as:

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