After finally ending a lengthy spiritual retreat in his apartment, in which he used deep meditation to achieve a five-month-long comatose state, Toiletoverflowing is back and ready to resume his wearisome life. Jumping or, more accurately, barely ambling back into his old life, he has decided to resume his wholeheartedly eschewed philosophy lecture series.
This coming Wednesday, Toiletoverflowing will expand on a lecture he gave about a year ago, Being and Nothingness. Next Wednesday’s talk carries that topic forward under the title, On Being and Nothingness: Why Being is Better.
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Covering the religion beat for a major publication such as Shalampax Speaks is bound to eventually have a significant impact on you. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I’m almost starting to believe this crap.
Today, I’m feeling particularly spiritually fulfilled. Maybe all of my writing about religion has filled me with the spirit of one god or another. Or maybe it’s because we have so many religions to choose from here in Shalampax thanks to our many successful cult religion companies. Or maybe it’s the 12 gin and tonics I just polished me off that filled me with spirits. Whatever, I’m feeling particularly blessed today.
Why shouldn’t I? I recently bought 100 shares of Religco, Shalampax’s leading cult religion company. In just the past two weeks alone, it’s doubled in value. Rumor has it that they are planning a launch sometime in the next few weeks that is expected to really shake up the religion business.
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It’s not easy being spiritual. Nobody knows that better than the business development and marketing folks at Religco, Shalampax’s leading cult religion vendor. They had a brilliant notion for a new, as of yet unnamed religion.
The idea was that it would be a cult religion based on materialism. The business development and marketing people put a lot of work into advancing the concept. They wrote the cult’s religion’s scriptures, defined its picayune laws, and drafted its ecclesiastic hierarchy.
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Many people spend considerable time and end up terribly frustrated searching for answers they will never find.
How did the universe form? What was here before it came into existence? Is there a purpose to life or do we just exist? Whether or not species evolved, how did the first life-form come to be? How are a few unsightly, dweebs of men able to hook up with some of the most beautiful of women? These and many other seemingly momentous questions have plagued humanity for millennia.
Right here in Shalampax there are a number of enigmas specific to our island that no one has been able to solve. For example, consider the following:
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Bentteaspoon, the owner of Cherrelig Corp, a cult religion company that owns the Cherism cult religion, is having a spiritual crisis. I know because he came to me seeking advice.
I’m always amazed to learn that these simpering, whimpering, whiny little losers think that, because I write the spirituality column here at Shalampax Speaks, I’m somehow qualified to help them with their spiritual calamities. Idiots!
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Some people will tell you that all that matters are matter and the purely physical laws that govern it. They say that if something can’t be understood by the rational mind—even though it may not yet be understood by any rational mind—then it isn’t existent and it is, therefore, irrelevant.
Other people will tell you that the core of human existence is spirituality. To them, what matters most is what goes on in the ethereal, indefinable, metaphysical human soul.
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