You might have noticed that I’ve been absent from my writing duties at Shalampax Speaks for a few days. When a couple of my colleagues filled in for me they spread the rumor that my absence was because I was depressed over my slow progress toward my goal of Twitter dominance. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I’ve had a bad cold, which made it difficult for me to sleep and you know how much we Shalampaxians enjoy our sleep. In addition, my nose has been running steadily and I feel as though I’ve blown my brains out through my nostrils. Furthermore, my head feels stuffed up, which contrasts with my normal condition of just being a stuffy person. All this has led to my brain being even more befuddled than usual. As a result, I did not feel I could produce any writing worthy of my loyal reader. (You know who you are.)
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A few days ago I told you that I had joined Twitter and I had begun twitting. However, at the time, I didn’t tell you about my, until now, secret mission. Here it is: I have set myself the objective of becoming the most followed person on Twitter.
Why have I adopted this Twitter goal?
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I’m usually known as the old man here at Shalampax Speaks. That’s not surprising as I’m a man and I’m the oldest person working here. Nevertheless, I can still show those young punks a thing or three.
For example, I’m finally getting the hang of this Internet thingy. As proof of that, I’m proud to announce that I just signed up with Twitter.
My Twitter user name is Birdinhand2.
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A recent study found that, for slightly more than 93 percent of the time, what is on the mind of any one Shalampaxian can be fully disclosed and comprehensively analyzed in a single Twitter message, without pressing up against Twitter’s 140-character limit.
In addition, according to the study, two Twitter messages would suffice roughly six percent of the time. For less than only one percent of the time would more than two Twitter messages be required to broadcast the contents of a Shalampaxian’s mind and an analysis of it. And there’s never been a documented case of requiring more than a single base-10 digit to count the number of necessary Twitter messages.
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