I know this is going to be hard to believe, but Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, has taken a vow to lose three hundred pounds and build up a muscle or two.
That’s not as ambitious a goal as it sounds. She could afford to drop a hundred pounds off just her derrière and she’d still be carting around her own nicely-padded, organic pillow. Three hundred pounds off her whole body would leave her obese, but no longer quite as morbidly so.
Tuboflard refuses to say what led her to this decision, but most of us think it was her embarrassment over the incident when, for quite a while, one of her triplets was thought to be lost or possibly dead. Instead, the child was playing unseen under one of Tuboflard’s rolls of fat.
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One of Shalampax’s newest spam companies, ShalamSpamCo Inc., is quickly becoming one of our biggest spam enterprises. After the firm’s highly successful launch of its Home Breast Augmentation Surgery Kit, hBASK, it is getting ready to unleash another blockbuster spam campaign. Billions of emails promoting its new AcaiDietJitters™ weight-loss diet supplement are ready to fly.
According to ShalamSpamCo, AcaiDietJitters is an exciting, radical, revolutionary, world-shattering, novel, new, innovative, ground-breaking, breakthrough weight-loss diet supplement.
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Jeez peeps, I was so busy reporting on Openfly and Dr. Don that I totally missed what was going on right here in Shalampax. The big news, and I mean big in a physical sense, is that Tuboflard, the chief medical officer at the Shalampax Health Clinic, lost 50 pounds.
All Shalampaxians are aware of Tuboflard. How could we miss her? Birdinhand has also mentioned Tuboflard when he passed along some health bulletins in these pages. As a result, many of you are already aware of her vastness. For those who aren’t, suffice it to say that Tuboflard is one Shalampaxian who definitely grew into her name, and then some.
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