I am pleased to announce that Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, is having great success with her diet. She has already lost almost one hundred pounds.
She has succeeded in her diet by taking the occasional break from eating rather than eating continuously throughout the day as she did in the past. I fear that she might have to go a little further if she’s going to continue to lose weight.
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Over the years, an obesity epidemic has pervaded Shalampax. It did not happen abruptly, but rather it crept up unnoticed and grew until it could no longer be ignored.
Under the emergency powers that it has always held, the Shalampax Medical Clinic is taking bold steps to address this problem. Effective immediately, Shalampax will switch to metric measures, at least when it comes to people’s weights.
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I know this is going to be hard to believe, but Tuboflard, the Chief Medical Officer at the Shalampax Medical Clinic, has taken a vow to lose three hundred pounds and build up a muscle or two.
That’s not as ambitious a goal as it sounds. She could afford to drop a hundred pounds off just her derrière and she’d still be carting around her own nicely-padded, organic pillow. Three hundred pounds off her whole body would leave her obese, but no longer quite as morbidly so.
Tuboflard refuses to say what led her to this decision, but most of us think it was her embarrassment over the incident when, for quite a while, one of her triplets was thought to be lost or possibly dead. Instead, the child was playing unseen under one of Tuboflard’s rolls of fat.
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