Cult Manual: Communicating With Followers
Insist that, compared to other religions, your cult operates on a higher plane, namely the Internet.
Do not, under any circumstances, encourage visitors to come to Shalampax. After all, this doesn't exactly look like God's country. Hell, it doesn't look like any place He or She would ever admit to having visited even briefly while on a drinking binge.
Instead of admitting your Shalampax origins, it is best to make your cult appear to be based someplace nobody would ever consider visiting. A violence-wracked slum works well and allows you to play the poverty and despair angle to tug at followers' purse strings.
Shalampax has hijacked and multiplexed several ultra-high-speed Internet connections which are available throughout our building at no charge. Feel free to make use of high resolution, expertly designed graphics and videos to make your cult look as legitimate as possible. It's amazing what people will believe as long as it is available on the Web, looks professional and downloads fairly quickly. Once they believe, the money will start to flow freely into your cult. Remember, the Internet may be your virtual collection plate, but the money it brings in is real.
See also:
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Shalampax and Shalampaxian are trademarks of Klebanoff Associates, Inc.
