Republic of Shalampax
An Inane Island in an Insane World
 

Government

Our government, which is neither a dictatorship nor democratically elected, has a prime minister at its head and is run on a variation of the parliamentary system.

The prime minister is not chosen by popular vote. Instead, once every four years, on the day when our botanists tell us that the coconuts have fully ripened, all adult citizens (everyone 13 or older is considered to be an adult) gather in the coconut palm patch on the east side of our island's plateau region (see geography). We all stand there patiently waiting for coconuts to fall. We are prepared to wait months if necessary; our botanists aren't very good at their jobs. The last person to be hit on the head by a coconut becomes the prime minister for the next four years. The second-, third-, fourth- and fifth-last to be hit join the cabinet. The next 20-last to be hit become backbench members of parliament.

When we made contact with the rest of the world and learned about other political systems we seriously contemplated becoming a democracy. After careful consideration we rejected the idea because our system saves us the considerable money, aggravation and antagonism involved in elections and the results are no worse, and often far better, than those achieved by democracies.

Part-Time Parliamentarians

The jobs of prime minister, cabinet minister and, particularly, backbench member of parliament are part-time positions. Its light workload is a result of our constitution, which has been reproduced on the front of small postcards and distributed to all citizens. The constitution strictly forbids the passing of any laws other than the following: Many people consider that last one to be too frivolous to be included in a constitution, but most of us find public nose picking to be gross, so we decided to leave it in.

Due to our numerically and physically puny population — just 4,242 diminutive people (see demographics) — and our island's tiny landmass (see geography), which doesn't leave room for the government to build roads or any other infrastructure except our one house (see arts & architecture-house), fiscal matters pretty much take care of themselves. Therefore, because our parliamentarians are not allowed to pass any laws, there isn't much for them to do. Consequently, running the government consists of little more than gathering once or twice a year to whine and complain about the deplorable weather.


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Shalampax and Shalampaxian are trademarks of Klebanoff Associates, Inc.