 |
Republic of Shalampax An Inane Island in an Insane World |
|
|
Republic of Shalampax An Inane Island in an Insane World |
|
The following chart is a partial list of dispensation fees for buying salvation from the Infinitiaty church after committing a sin against one or more of the infinite number of Gods' commandments regarding what you can and cannot say.
Some Gods don't give a good, God, damn about what you say. In fact, many of them swear like drunken sailors all of the time. On the other hand, to some Gods, saying the wrong word is worse than committing mass murder. One thing is certain though, with an infinite number of Gods, you can't say anything without pissing off at least one of them. For this reason, the following can be, at best, only a partial list that enumerates only an infinitesimal portion of the possible sins. Please contact the Church of Infinitiaty and enquire about the cost of being absolved for your specific verbal sins.
For a definition of the contents of the following table's columns, please see the Infinitiaty Dispensations main page. There, you will also find dispensation package deals that cover dispensation for bundles of sins and monthly dispensation subscriptions that can be used for multiple sins across sin categories.
The prices below are quoted per occurrence of the listed sin.
| Sin | Sin Level | God# | Dispensation Price |
| Saying "fuck" in public. | 2 | 47410 | $57.77 |
| Saying "shit" in public. | 1 | 8479 | $10.98 |
| Saying "damn" in public. | 1 | 13422 | $12.86 |
| Saying "hell" in public. | 1 | 543 | $8.74 |
| Saying "cunt" in public. | 3 | 4981628 | $145.87 |
| Saying "cock" in public when not discussing poultry. | 3 | 3418734 | $132.85 |
| Saying "pussy" in public when not discussing felines. | 2 | 42341 | $56.40 |
| Saying "asshole" in public when not discussing politicians. | 1 | 3423 | $9.78 |
| Saying "pubic" in public. | 1 | 342 | $8.64 |
| Getting tongue-tied when saying "pubic in public" three times fast. | 1 | 4225 | $9.92 |
| Saying the "wee wee" when you mean "penis" or "cock". (Applies only to people older than 12 years old who, at the time, are not talking to children less than 13 years old.) | 4 | 5153415 | $210.00 |
| Saying "whirlybird" in mixed company. | 1 | 424 | $7.76 |
| Saying "whirlybird" in company that has not been mixed. | 1 | 424 | $7.76 |
| Discussing your favorite reality show while at work. | 3 | 82470 | $110.87 |
| Discussing your favorite reality show while at a social engagement. | 3 | 82470 | $110.87 |
| Discussing your favorite reality show when there are other people within 10 miles of you. | 4 | 82470 | $197.56 |
| Discussing your favorite reality show when you are alone. | 1 | 82470 | $42.38 |
| Saying "Democrat" in public. | 2 | 781798897 | $89.23 |
Saying "liberal" in public. |
2 | 781798897 | $89.23 |
| Saying "Republican" in public. | 3 | 983755342 | $183.34 |
| Saying "conservative" in public. | 3 | 983755342 | $183.34 |
| Saying "Democrat" in private. | 1 | 48709 | $37.23 |
Saying "liberal" in private. |
1 | 48709 | $37.23 |
| Saying "Republican" in private. | 2 | 821078 | $75.89 |
| Saying "conservative" in private. | 2 | 821078 | $75.89 |
| Sounding as if you know what you're talking about when you don't. | 2 | 171297 | $60.12 |
| Sounding as if you don't know what you're talking about when you do. | 2 | 31628764 | $81.53 |
| Claiming to have a lucky number. | 3 | 7698282 | $87.93 |
| Telling someone he or she is attractive solely to try to get into his or her pants. | 1 | 3982272 | $42.78 |
| Not telling someone he or she is attractive when doing so stands a good chance of getting you into his or her pants. | 2 | 839174928 | $91.58 |
| Saying "irregardless". | 4 | 412421 | $257.21 |
| Saying "I'm like," "he's like" or "she's like" when you mean "I said," "he said" or "she said." | 5 | 92837919282 | $689.37 |
| Saying something when you have nothing worthwhile to say. | 4 | 8417 | $122.79 |
| Saying "fine thanks" in response to "how are you?" when you're really feeling terrible. | 3 | 7664187 | $86.91 |
| Saying "have a nice day" when you're really thinking, "fuck off and die you miserable, ass-wipe of a bastard." | 5 | 194726 | $421.46 |
| Saying "God is Great" when discussing one of the more abominable of Gods. | 2 | 2829167 | $80.19 |
Saying "infer" when you mean "imply." |
2 | 18347927 | $83.92 |
| Saying "imply" when you mean "infer." | 2 | 18347927 | $83.92 |
| Criticizing someone for mixing up "infer" and "imply." | 4 | 924789886 | $482.86 |
| Talking about a British pantomime in front of children under the age of 10. | 1 | 8398278 | $51.86 |
| Talking about a British pantomime in front of people aged 10 to 19. | 1 | 28381983748 | $59.99 |
| Talking about a British pantomime in front of people aged 20 or older. | 1 | 38729972677 | $64.67 |
| Saying "y'all" when talking to only one person. | 2 | 3878 | $53.60 |
| Saying "okey dokey" ever. | 3 | 3874109 | $81.77 |
| Speaking baby talk to an adult spouse and/or lover. | 4 | 9872879 | $188.87 |
| Speaking baby talk to a spouse and/or lover who is still a infant. | 5 | 485918378 | $529.18 |
| Whispering due to embarrassment when asking for directions to the bathroom. | 3 | 87879 | $71.19 |
| Speaking ill of the dead. | 1 | 19787 | $23.86 |
| Speaking ill of someone you are about to kill. | 3 | 318409817 | $94.42 |
Sin Dispensations |
