Superegoidegoism

At the very core of our metaphysical being there exists a microscopic, invisible, yet invincible point of pure energy that harnesses a confluence of superego, id and ego. This spiritual energy center is referred to as the superegoidego confluence or, as it is more commonly known, God.

Thus, most western religions' concept of God is wrong. God is not a single omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, invisible being who constantly spies on us from Heaven and who fashions a society that is usually a living hell for us humans, particularly in the world's trouble spots, which is just about everywhere at one time or another. Instead, we each house our own God that shapes us and influences our interactions with the environment immediately around us and, in doing so, acts more broadly upon the world.

Despite it's power to affect the world beyond its corporeal shell, namely our body, our inner God is incapable of doing anything to counteract the innumerable bastards who make life miserable for the rest of us.

Worship

We all have the ability to energize our superegoidego confluence in two ways, one weak and one strong. The weak energizing ritual involves interminable meditation. You sit cross-legged on the floor with your back in a straight, vertical position, while you mentally block out the external world and your own intruding thoughts as you search ever deeper within your being until you finally make contact with your inner God. This is very rarely achieved because the superegoidego confluence is exceptionally difficult to find using the mortal mind. Most practitioners die of starvation while meditating before locating their inner Gods. In the scant instances when contact is achieved, you succeed in energizing your inner God only because your infrequently found superegoidego confluence is so happy to see anybody that it positively glows.

The more powerful and faster way to energize your superegoidego confluence is through masturbation. This really turns your inner God on.

Unlike an orgasm achieved through masturbation, an orgasm achieved through heterosexual sex will not energize your superegoidego confluence. In this case, bringing the male and female inner Gods into such close contact leads to a never-ending series of arguments over unbelievably trivial matters. This endless bickering consumes more energy than is released by the orgasm.

In summary, Superegoidegoist church members can choose either of two forms of worship: They can meditate for hours on end, which is not much fun, gets in the way of performing remunerative work, and is usually unsuccessful and fatal. Or they can masturbate a few times a day. Most worshipers choose the latter.

Afterlife

There is no afterlife, but if you take a break from masturbating long enough to do a little copulating then some of your genes might survive you.

Commandments

Honor thy dominant hand and thy privacy; suffer not the disapprobation of heathens.
Thou shalt not spill thy seed upon the ground; use a tissue. (Note to females: you too are required to be neat and tidy while worshiping.)
Thou shalt trust thy inner God when He or She says onto you that thou shalt not go blind from your religious practices.
Thou shalt not cop a feel without permission, preferably written.
Thy left hand shalt know what thy right hand is doing, but it might not approve.

Dietary Laws

Superegoidegoists are encouraged to eat with their non-dominant hand so that eating need not interfere with the practice of the sacred religious rituals. If they can't do both simultaneously they might become emaciated.

This ambidextrous eating/worship instruction is only a strong recommendation. There are no dietary laws.

Holidays

Everyday is a holiday that is meant to be enjoyed to its fullest. But don't let that keep you from your day job.

Tithing

The Superegoidego church neither charges its members dues nor expects its members to make donations to the church. On the contrary, the church exists solely to serve its members. Consequently, several (sometimes hundreds) times a day, church deacons send emails to all church members. These emails provide valuable information about amazing lotions, potions and devices that are available at popular prices to help to heighten adherents' masturbatory orgasms, give them the vigor necessary to increase their daily masturbating frequency and, thereby, allow them to elevate their Godliness. As an added benefit, church members also receive fabulous offers that will allow male members to enlarge their members and female members to enlarge their breasts.

(Note to Superegoidegoists: Please adjust your spam filters to ensure that ecclesiastic missives get through to your inboxes.)

~~Cults~~ Religions

	Republic of Shalampax An Inane Island in an Insane World