Republic of Shalampax An Inane Island in an Insane World
Tourism
You can't take a hint no matter how blatant, can
you? We've made it quite clear — even on our home page — that we don't
welcome visitors. In the hope that nobody would find it, we buried the
sole link to this page deep on a page about our economy. Yet here you
are, wasting your time reading about non-existent tourism in Shalampax.
Suprisingly, we do have a tourism slogan, but we adopted it only to get rid of an annoying
marketing consultant who called and threatened to pay us a sales visit
unless we followed his advice to adopt a slogan. Here's what we came up
with: "Don't even think of visiting Shalampax. You wouldn't like it
and, to be totally honest, we wouldn't like you." Yes, we know it's
a bit long for a slogan, but it gets the message across and does a good
job of positioning Shalampax in its target market.
Here's an idea for those of you who are utterly convinced that it's
romantic and exciting to visit inhospitable places. Buy some Shalampax
postcards from our Web store.
(The same cards, which don't include either our flag or our Coat of
Arms, are available in both the flag and Coat of Arms shops.) Buy some
Shalampax stamps too; you can legitimately use them in the U.S. Mail
the cards to your friends and relatives. They will be green with envy
thinking that you were one of the very few people in the world to have
visited us.
It's ironic that your friends should turn green with envy because green
is the hue that was quickly assumed by the skin of the exceptionally few
people who really have visited Shalampax. Their color had nothing to with
envy. It was a result of not spending enough time here to build up an immunity
to our culinary delights.
